I’m not sure what expression my face reads to him, but it should be admiration. He claims to be fucked up beyond repair, but that’s the last thing I see.
I see a man who has been through life’s toughest obstacles and came back swinging.
I look at him, hoping he can see my sincerity. “Was it hard? I mean, I’m sure it was, but you’ve never told me about it. All I remember is Cal coming to see you every week and giving us short check-ins. I worried about you.”
A look of humility rolls through him as I watch Bodhi soak in my words like it’s the best thing he’s ever heard.
He appreciates intention.
There’s an ample amount of laughter and squealing from all the party guests around us, but nothing can take away the weight of this conversation. But then again, Bodhi and I have always been able to talk about anything and everything, no matter where we are, even since Fiji.
The background around us is just noise.
“It was worse than you could ever imagine, I’m sure of it. It’s a miserable feeling never being able to fully relax—in bed, eating lunch, showering, anywhere, really. I had to be on guard around the clock if I wanted to stay alive. The last thing you want is for that cell block to be closed off, and as soon as you let your guard down, a group of seven guys gang-jump you. It doesn’t matter how great of a fighter you are; when you’re one against seven, the outcome is not in your favor. I’ve seen a guy get jumped by twenty over a Honeybun.”
“Holy shit. It’s like survival of the fittest. I hate that you had to go through that, Bodhi. That sounds horrible.”
He nods. “Sometimes being in places like this…triggers me.”
“Rightfully so. I think it makes you pretty brave to be here.”
He looks at me quizzically as he rubs his thumb across his bottom lip, lost in thought. “Something like that.”
I’m not sure what he means, but I won’t ask any more questions than I should. However, there is one question Ineedto ask.
“So is that why you order beers and never drink them? Because you need something to hold on to?” I ask him.
He smirks. “There’s plenty of things I’d like to hold onto, Navy. But no, not exactly.”
Oh, lord.I set myself up for that one.
A blush creeps up my face, and I try my best to fight back a smile despite deep down thinking he’s full of shit. “Then what is it? I see you order a beer all the time, but I’ve never once seen you take a sip.”
I hope he doesn’t think I’m judging him, because I’m not. I’m only curious.
He stares me down as all signs of humor vanish from his face. “The last time I took a sip of alcohol, I almost killed my best friend. Not Callaway, don’t worry. But I promised myself I’d never drink again.”
Oh my god. That must be the reason for his arrest. He has been through so much, and my heart breaks for the Bodhi who was struggling past the point of being able to recognize it.
“I’m…God, I’m sorry, Bodhi. That sucks.”
He chuckles, surprisingly. “Yeah, Navy. It sucks.”
We linger in the still silence as my eyes search for Crew, finding him charging the diving board and cannonballing into the pool.
They look like they’re having a blast.
“I order a beer to remind myself of why I don’t need it. It’s a peculiar feeling to witness the repercussions of people around you getting drunk while you’re still sober. There’s no judgment, but I won’t let myself experience that again. The risk isn’t worth it,” Bodhi admits on his own.
Bodhi St. James is a good, good man. He’s much more of a man than he gives himself credit for.
For some reason, I feel like I need to remind him he’s not alone.
I reach my hand to his and tap his palm gently to get his attention. Bodhi’s eyes find mine and they fill with sorrow. “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for, Bodhi. You’re a man with heart and integrity. That means everything in a world of prideful men. I hope you know you’re not alone, and despite everything that happened between us, I’ve got your back. I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
My heart leaps out of my chest in both agony and care. I care so deeply for him.
Tears I’m sure he wasn’t planning on shedding escape his eyes slowly as his gaze on me intensifies. Bodhi pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it softly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Hurting you is my greatest mistake.”