Page 47 of Drop Three

Bodhi:Navy is fine. Hot springs got rained out. I’ll tell her to call you. Wear sunscreen.

* * *

“Oh,hey. Is everything okay? Who was it?”

How am I supposed to do this when walking away from her is the opposite of what I want? Navy has washed her hair completely now and is enjoying the heat of the stream.

My hand reaches to rub against the back of my head, staring at the floor below me, a mindless mannerism I do when I’m nervous. I may be dreading this, but I won’t be a pussy about it—although the ground looks a lot better than I’m sure Navy’s hurt will.

For some reason, the saying my father always told me as a child rings in my ears—if you’re gonna play rough, you’ve got to be tough.

That truth can be applied now, I’m seeing.

I never should have touched her if I wasn’t prepared for the consequences that came after. I’d like to say it was lust that took over, but that’s simply not the case. I’ve longed for Navy since before my brain could catch up to the feeling—she’s tethered to my heart, and now I need to do the unbearable and sever the tension for her to be free.

Free of me.

My eyes find Navy as I work to build up my confidence. “Everything is fine. It was your mom and Cal checking in.”

She sends me a small smile. “That was sweet. I hope she’s feeling better.”

“She is. Listen, Nav?—”

“Now you can get back to tasting me,” Navy announces.Jesus.

A mischievously sweet look paints Navy’s face, and I hopelessly commit her happiness to memory because I’m confident this is the last time it will be directed at me.

“That’s not going to happen.”

Her giggle muffles under the water. “Very funny. Come on, B. There are so many things I want to try with you.”

She’s so fucking sweet it tears me apart.

“I meant what I said, Navy. It willneverhappen. This was a mistake.” My tone is cold, coming across serious and ruthless.

Her face falls in an instant, and tears pool heavily in her beautiful eyes. “What? You’re serious? What happened?”

I cross my arms at my chest, and I immediately hate myself for it. It feels disrespectful, and surely the first physical sign of the magnitude of my decision. “Nothing happened. I realized the error in my judgment, and I’m ashamed I gave in to a moment of desire. I’m better than that.”

Navy’s flinch catapults my hatred for myself. I’m hurting her and there’s no going back. “You’re better than…wanting me?”

I reply, “No, I’m better than giving you the idea that this was a possibility. I led you on, and that was unfair of me.”

I’m surprised she’s able to speak because her body looks close to convulsing as pain takes over her features. “What about all the things you said to me in here? Were they all a lie?”

She stands still under the hot stream, her hands and body likely pruning from how long she’s been in the shower, but Navy doesn’t seem to care.

She wants answers.

I answer her, “Yes. You’re my friend, and nothing more. I’ve never felt more for you than that.”

Gone is the hurt side of Navy—I’m now greeted with anger and bitterness. Rightfully so. She nods to herself repetitively as if she’s confirming the details of my admission to her thoughts. “Hmm. Is that right?”

I nod.

Navy nods back and begins to move swiftly, turning the shower water off, grabbing a white towel from the warmer, and wrapping it around her chest to cover up, before standing in front of me outside the shower enclosure. “You’re a coward.”

She looks at me dead on with outrage.

---