Page 153 of Swallow Your Sorries

“Are you real? Or just another dream?”

“As if you dream about me.”

“Always.”

She blinks. “I’m real, Gant. All of this is real. Not a dream. Not a game.”

Over her shoulder, two golden eyes glow down at us.

“Zoi.” I reach a hand to stroke his snout and he nips my finger, using it to pull me closer to the edge, in an attempt to get me out of the water.

“Hold on to me,” I tell Elle even as I squeeze her so hard, I’m afraid I’ll collapse her lungs.

With my free hand, I pull on a root and lift us both out of the shallow water before following Zoi back to the greenhouse where I sleep on nights like this.

I’m not afraid of the creatures inside because they understand me. They leave me be and they have no judgments.

I lift Elle onto the table, grab a blanket from the rickety cupboard and shake it out before covering us both from the outside world.

“Look at me,” I say, peering deep into her eyes.

“I am.”

“Don’t look away. Your eyes are so green. So different. But I can see her sometimes if I stare hard enough. Not a memory. A remembrance. As if I could ever forget.”

“Gant.”

“Don’t blink. Just look at me.”

She strokes my cheek. “Okay.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Are you staying? Are you listening to me? I can’t stop you…”

“You’re already down. I don’t get satisfaction out of kicking a lame dog. Out of spitting into eyes that are already drowning in tears.”

“You’re above it all. Better?”

“I never thought it was possible to bebetterthan someone. But I am better than you. Better than your minions, even better than the staff.”

“You’re not shy to ride that high fucking horse, are you?” But there’s no snark in my voice. It’s hollow.

“If you can call a miniature pony high. I’m merely decent. At a school like Beaulieu, I thought you had to be exemplary. Every day amongst your kind makes me see that being decent is to be exceptional here.”

I curl around Elle’s smaller body and she gently runs her fingers through my hair while Zoi keeps watch over us.

“You can sleep,” Elle says after we’ve stared at each other for an eternity. “It’s okay to give up control and give in sometimes.”

“You really won’t leave?”

“You deserve it. You deserve to lie in this filthy place all alone and rot, but I said I won’t leave you alone.Despite what you think, I’m not a liar. Dolls can’t lie and I’m your little doll, remember? Just hold on to me. I’ll take away all your bad dreams.”

***

I wake up to the skin-crawling sensation of cobwebs strewn across my face. It doesn’t startle me as it should. I’m used to it, given my constant sleepovers in the greenhouse. But as I blink my eyes open in the dim sunlight, I can see that it’s hair. Long red hair.

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