Page 156 of Swallow Your Sorries

I was already subconsciously shifting the blame despite placing it on my shoulders and Elle’s head for two years.

“I think you’re right.”

She looks surprised at that.

“And I think you’re wrong too.”

At her inquisitive gaze, I lean up on my elbows and peer down at her.

“The driver’s also to blame because I know the same person that gave you this scar,” I say, stroking her side, “is the same person that killed my mother. The description is just too similar. The car too unique.”

She swallows, her eyes wide. “The green car is the same car in the video?”

I nod.

“The cameras didn’t capture the model, but I did. And it’s just like you described. I’m going to find it.”

“And I’m going to help you,” she says firmly. “Your mother deserves justice. You deserve peace. I deserve peace.”

Something stabs at the backs of my eyes and it takes me a second to realise they’re tears. I thought I’d run out of them at my mother’s funeral.

“You care even after she was horrible to you?”

“She wasn’t horrible to you, and that means far more.”

This girl…

After everything…

She’s growing a soft spot for me? Not just a spot of lust?

Isn’t that what you’ve wanted from the start? How else can it hurt if it’s not tender?

Her fingertips brush my cheek and I sink into her palm.

“I know you worry about her not forgiving you before her passing, but I know you have nothing to worry about. She was angry with you, furious, but she didn’t die hating you, Gant. She couldn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“In that moment, when you were hit, were you angry at her for the tape? For cheating? For causing an ensuing storm with your father?”

“No,” I whisper, suddenly hoarse.

“What did you feel?”

“Sheer panic.”

“In your sleep, you muttered,Gant. The voice you used…it sounded so different. Was that the last word she said to you?”

I nod.

“Because she was so worried about you. Not herself. You were her last thought.”

I’d replayed our last moments over and over again, and not once had I ever thought of that.

“Everything you’ve said about her being a good mother, about the way you care for her so deeply in comparison to your father, says a lot. She must’ve shown you grace and kindness. I’m sure she did in her last moments too, internally.”

“She was a horrible wife. Friend. Teacher…depending on the student, but she was a good mother… don’t look at me like that, Dove. I know what you’re thinking.”

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