Page 159 of Swallow Your Sorries

He’ll fuck me and it’ll be done. Then he’ll do something even worse than before.

“Don’t say I didn’t try to help.” She shakes her head, turning back to the mirror. “Damn, you’re delusional. He pissed on you in public, and you’re afraid of betraying him by breaking what little trust you’ve established in becoming his confidant. Bitch, please. Who gives a fuck? He doesn’t. He won’t. Soon he’ll be so fucking bored he’ll string your cum rag from the flagpole to humiliate you all over again. And when you finally shatter, it’ll be like you never existed for him at all. You’ll be stuck on his ass permanently and six years from now, he’ll be posting videos with his cute little family and there you’ll be thinking about the one time you were kind andaboveit all.”

“Who’s the guy?” I ask and her eyes flash to mine in the mirror, her brows wrinkling.

“What?”

“Who’s on social media with his new wife showing off date night outfits before she bakes him bread from scratch?”

“My father. Remember? Gant isn’t an exception and neither am I. But my mother’s story won’t become my own because I’ll never allow myself to become like her. Like you. These teenage boys don’t give a fuck about us. Gant’s going to suck you dry like the emotional vampire all men are. And when you’re so dried out that you shatter, you won’t ever be able to feel whole again. You’ll try to glue yourself back together with filler and designer shoes, but you’ll never be the same. Don’t let that happen, Eloisa. Don’t do for him what he’dneverdo for you. Give grace.”

“Why are you telling me all of this? You don’t give a fuck about my well-being either.

She stares at me for a long time before tilting her head. “You’re right. I don’t. You don’t even care about yourself. Send the video to Beaussip or don’t. But now I have my leverage.”

I gawk at her.

“What? You didn’t really think those bullshit codes would deter me? If you don’t want the tail end of that video getting out, leave me the fuck alone from now on. We’re not in business together anymore. We’re done.”

She swooshes her hair over her shoulder, unlocks the door and clicks away in her heels.

When I follow her a second later, I’m startled by Aria who’s glaring at the back of Rin’s head with a stack of printed papers in her hand. From the title, it’s the twelve-page ballet history essay that’s due on Monday. The one I hadn’t started yet. She must’ve come from the private lab.

“Why were you talking to Rin?” she asks, lifting a brow.

“It wasn’t by choice. I bumped into her in the bathroom.”

“What did she want?”

“Nothing.”

“Hmmm. Really?” It doesn’t sound like a question.

I swallow. “Just her normal digs.”

Aria watches Rin again who’s steps away pretending to flip through a graphic novel. “She’s painfully predictable. Painfully boring.”

She is, but she had some surprisingly good insight, bitterness aside.

Rin doesn’t acknowledge us but her hair flip before she clicks away lets me know that she’s heard us.

“Are you ready?” Aria asks as we descend the staircase all the way to the ground floor.

“More than ready. Desperate even.”

“You need a drink that bad?”

Despite being eighteen for a few weeks, I never jumped at the chance to finally drink legally. I guess when your fridge is always loaded with beer and boxed wine, it isn’t that tempting, especially when the empty containers are always chucked your way.

“It couldn’t hurt. The past few days, no, weeks, have been exhausting.”

“Tell me about it. You’ve clearly been living it up with Gant. At first, no one could pay you to leave the dorms, and now you barely make it back before curfew. Well, until a few nights ago when you didn’t make it back at all.”

As it turns out, Ariahadcovered for me, telling Ms Trix that I was spending the night in the nurse’s ward before offering her some liquored chocolates. An hour later, she was out like a light and when I crept back into the dorm at five a.m. she was still snoring. All the late-night watches in an attempt to catch her alleged stalker had really worn her out, chocolates aside.

“You and Gant are getting closer. Dance lessons aside,” she says as we bank around the library and face the forest.

I didn’t think I’d be reentering it so soon.

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