Page 165 of Swallow Your Sorries

“Hmm,” Aria mutters and it gives me déja vu as I remember her other‘hmm’when she asked me what Rin wanted.

I look away from the intensity of her blue-green eyes and stare down at Stassi's slumbering form instead.

“You don’t want to be despicable like Gant, but you admire his work, nevertheless.”

I think back to Rin and the video. To the senior girls who wasted all that good food.

“Maybe. But it’s not me. I don’t want to be like that.”

But how long will that feeling of wanting to remain human last when you’re constantly surrounded by beasts who push you to the edge? I don’t want to be a beast, but sometimes I can’t help but think that being a beast is better than being the prey. And yet, Gant’s breakdown has shown me that being a beast doesn’t erase your problems, either. You can be miserable as either or. I know, because I’m a miserable prey trying to find neutral ground as a hybrid.

“My turn,” I say, gesturing the bottle towards myself.

“Truth.”

“Since we’re talking about revenge, who do you want to get revenge on more? Étienne or Rin?”

She glances down into the opened vodka bottle she’s still gripping onto. “Étienne. I told you Rin’s painfully boring. She does what bitches do, so who’s surprised?”

“But you’re surprised by Étienne?”

“More than surprised, and that’s two questions.”

“Fine. Your turn.”

“Truth.”

“In the forest, you said Gant could never love you. But could you ever love Gant?”

More Gant-related questions? Then again, I was desperate to know more about her dynamic with Étienne.

“I…”Say no.But I can’t. “I don’t know.”

Aria tsks. “We’re playing ‘Truth’.Not the‘middle road’.I let it slide the first time, so yes or no?”

I take a deep breath and smell the alcohol expelling from my lungs as I exhale. “Yes. Stupidly, yes. Because lately, I’m starting to understand his insane logic. Even if I can’t agree with all his bullshit.”

Aria nods. “That’s respectable. Some things don’t need to make sense to understand.”

“Truth or Dare?”

“Let’s cut the shit. No one’s doing a dare. We can’t even stand up.”

“Truth then. You and Étienne don’t make sense because of your parents’ relationship. But that doesn’t stop you from loving him in a way you shouldn’t, doesn’t it?”

Aria tenses but then relaxes, slumping down the wall as she swallows another mouthful of vodka. “You know what used to drive me the craziest about our so-called tabooness?”

“That you aren’t blood-related?”

She shakes her head. “There are a lot of adopted and step-siblings who feel a genuine familial connection regardless of blood. But I don’t feel that for Étienne. I never have and I never will. No, what used to bother me the most is that our parents aren’t even married. Yet.”

“So you’re not even step-siblings?”

“Yet.”

“You saidusedto. So what drives you the craziest now?”

“That I saw Éti first.”

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