Page 171 of Swallow Your Sorries

The car door snaps open and I ignore it, staring into Aria’s petrified gaze as she shoves me away. At the same time, she’s being pulled away from me, straight out of the car and against Étienne’s chest. In a blink, the door slams shut in my face, but not before Étienne’s murderous gaze burns into me.

But for all Aria’s struggling, yelling, and seeming annoyance, she quiets like a good little girl the minute Étienne’s low, cool voice begins to chastise her. The moment his long fingers squeeze her mouth shut and cups her chin so that she stares up at him at a neck-breaking angle. And she surely doesn’t protest when he lifts her into his arms like a petulant child who’s disobeyed his number one rule.

No alone time with any male. Even if it’s one of his best friends. Even if it’s one of hers.

Aria’s red and excited face disappears into Étienne’s neck as he carries her like a koala bear to the greenhouse for her punishment.

But I don’t get to watch their retreating forms for long because Zedd, Hale and Bae appear, crossing paths with the couple but not daring to intervene. But their shit-eating grins fall the moment they see meinthe car.

Bae opens a door first. “You don’t have to do this,” he says as he slips into the passenger seat. “We’re just going to the hacker’s today.”

Bae’s heavy into dogs and cars, so when he offered up a connection in the vehicle registration department, I didn’t ask any questions. What did I care so long asHackercould get me a list of every nineteen-forty Rolls Royce Phantoms registered in the county?

Of course, my father could do that too, but why would I offer up the make and model information when he hasn’t been successful in finding one little ginger and her piece of shit father?

It doesn’t make sense and until I can figure out why I’m not involving him in anything.

“No. I need to do this. I need to get over it.”

Zedd meets my gaze in the mirror from behind the steering wheel. His expression is blank, but I know what thought is spinning around in his head. Hadn’t we done this song and dance before?

It’s different now.

I have a new motivation.

Find the person that took my mother away. Find the person who can take away all my hatred for Elle and let me have her.

“But it doesn’t have to be today,” Bae says softly. “It doesn’t have to be now.”

“It’s been two years,” I say.

“If he wants to go, let him,” Zedd says, his eyes still boring into my skull.

“We haven’t had a practice run in a while,” Hale says. “Maybe we should just go around the block today. Then the rest of us can—”

“No,” I hiss. “I can’t wait another week. Don’t you get it? I’ve dreamed about identifying that fucking car for years. I finally have a description. A model. A list.Maybe. And you think I’ll let it go for another day?”

“No one’s saying to let it go,” Hale says. “But what’s wrong with taking a backseat, or in this case, getting out of it? We’ll bring you the addresses. Then we can all go—”

“How do you think I can make it to four, five, six addresses in one day if I can’t even make it to the hacker in one short trip? Thisisthe practice,” I say, gripping the headrest tighter as Zedd shifts gears.

“He wants answers. Let’s get him his answers,” Zedd says.

“Wait,” Bae starts, but Zedd ignores him, manoeuvring between some trees.

“He’s a big boy,” Zedd says, cutting Bae off. “If he says he can handle it, he can handle it. Right, Gant? Did you drink the tea I made you? It’s meant to be calming.”

I never know if Zedd is trying to be helpful or just trying to prove himself right. His tea is calming because it’s laced with some hippy plant drug that makes my skin feel like ants are crawling beneath it. It’s calming in that my limbs and mind feel too sluggish to react properly.

They say I’ve changed. I say I’ve never known Zedd well from the start.

Our gazes meet in the rearview mirror again, but I glance away only to regret it as I take in the moving scenery.

“You really are morphing into the Zaddy of the group,” Bae coos. “Feeding us. Making tea. Chauffeuring us.”

“I’ve never had a dad,” Hale says dreamily.

We roll over a large branch and the car sways and my brain with it.

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