Page 218 of Swallow Your Sorries

Estates.

I shake the thoughts away. Despite Rin’s projections, I’m not that far gone into delulu land, temporary girlfriend or not. I know I can never be an Aria, dancing in a wedding dress with Gant Auclair. It just isn’t in the cards for girls like me, and neither is being the lead yet. Just watching the way Aria moves so effortlessly only reminds me that I don’t deserve the part.Yet.But the Christmas production is right around the corner, and I’ll practice until my eyes bleed if it means getting my moment in front of the scouts just like Gant promised.

I hate how much I’m leaning into his promises. How much I want, no need, a break.

I want to fall into his net.

If only for a little while.

We can just pretend.

Sighing, I eye the back of Rin’s evilly-fitting stepmother dress. For all of its purposeful and hideous gaudiness, I wish I was wearing it. At least I would’ve gotten some stage time, but Madame insisted there was no time for me to learn both choreographies successfully, and Cinderella’s was far more important.

I couldn’t pout too much though, as it could be worse. I could be aswingin the flanks. As an understudy, I'm able to perform with the ensemble on stage at least. As a swing, I wouldn’t get any stage time at all unless a member of the ensemble fell ill or was missing. And there are far worse things than dancing with Bae for hours on end as he’s my partner in most scenes.

I eye his high caveat now, as we stand shoulder to shoulder, waiting to go back on stage for one final short number. From the corner of my eye, I search the high ridge of his collar for a peak of one of those tattoo’s Gant told me about. I can’t find a single hint of one, however, just smooth glass-like skin. It’s criminal how flawless it is. I bet he has one of those twenty-five-step skin care systems. I have two steps: bar soap and whatever body lotion I have that I can be watered down and mixed in with sunscreen. As a redhead the latter is nonnegotiable. Stassi lambasted me about my ‘beauty’ routine to no end, but when all your hygiene products come from bins, what did you expect?

Bae’s eyes twinkle, his lips stretching into a smile as if he knows what I’m up to.

“You won’t see them,” he says, continuing to stare straight ahead at Aria and Gant’s duet.

I refuse to look and watch him instead, mildly embarrassed at being confronted.

“Has anyone ever seen them?”

His smile widens. Damn, he’s beautiful. His elbow-length hair is curled into bouncy ringlets that make mine look like sad limp noodles. One thing I noticed about Bae almost immediately is that he hardly sweats and when he does, it doesn’t stink like mine. A genetic blessing to be sure. I’d sprayed myself in full body deodorant Stassi blessed me with to spare him but I can’t say the rest of the performers got the hygiene hint. Despite the wide-open theatre, the scent of feet and musk had reached an unbearable crescendo after the first four hours of practice.

But Bae isn’t the only one who won the genetic, odourless lottery.

For all her heavy makeup and dark costumes, Rin never broke a sweat either. She looks like a black widow with tons of feminine dark energy that radiates across the stage when she dances her parts. Perhaps her emotional stuntedness while performing only pertained to roles that didn’t fit her dark aura.

I can feel her eyes burning into my back now as she watches from the flanks too.

“Besides my tattoo artist?” Bae asks. “No.”

“So they’re ultra special?” I whisper as the Prince and Cinderella continue to spin around the stage in newlywed bliss. Their chemistry is undeniable after a decade of friendship and while I know that’s all it is, the sight of Gant moving so in sync with someone else for weeks on end stirs up a feeling in the pit of my stomach I hate. A feeling I’ve never felt this intensely before.Jealousy.

The last thing I want is to be jealous of Gant in a romantic sense. Of his beauty, his wealth, his confidence that bordered arrogance, his insane dancing abilities, sure. But not when it came to who he has undeniable chemistry with. With who he looks good with.

Who he looks better with.

Who his family would accept him with…

I blink, turning, so that my back is to the happy couple. Maybe if I couldn’t see them, the growing tightness in my chest that made it too difficult to breathe would ease. Is that why Étienne is nowhere to be found? I’ve literally never seen him watch them dance barring auditions.

“They are. Even I barely see them. Even when I don’t have to wear turtlenecks or long sleeves, I usually do.”

“Why?” I ask, my brows knitting. “What’s the point in getting covered in tattoos, in so much artwork if you aren’t going to show them off? Not even to yourself?”

It sounded crazy.

“I will show them off, to the right person. My body’s sacred, and so are my tattoos.”

I pause physically but my mind immediately begins to race as I think of the way the other boys rip off their shirts without a single care in the world during practices. Half of them are shirtless now.

Then I think of the way Bae didn’t resist Rin licking him…

“That’s actually really cool,” I say genuinely, though I can’t help but feel an intense curiosity bloom in my stomach. “Is there an exception for pool parties though?”

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