Page 59 of Swallow Your Sorries

She shakes her head slowly. “I had no idea Madame was your mother. If I did, I wouldn’t have told you how much I despised her. I wanted to show the tape to my mother. I needed her to finally open her eyes to the truth. To the fact that Jarett, my father, is an absolute piece of shit. If she saw the tape, if she left him, I could finally get away from him too.”

My fingers freeze midway to that gold, generic button most students wouldn’t be caught dead with as my first memory of Eloisa rushes to the forefront of my brain.

“Ballet is everything to me. It’s my escape. It’s a world away from my father—”

“What’s wrong with your father?”

“Everything.”

Jarett Crewly, yesCrewlyand notGinharthad been somewhat of a mystery this whole time.

Not on paper. No, on paper, he was remarkably unremarkable. But paper is two-dimensional and humans aren’t.

I’d convinced, no, brainwashed myself into thinking that Jarett must have a redeemable quality. It wasn’t money. Or class. Or prestige, but my mother had those things for herself already.

It wasn’t fidelity.

She didn’t have that. Neither did he.

But maybe it washer.Maybe it was his Eloisa. Maybe he’d shown her what my father never showed me after a ballet class and my mother had swooned.

That’s the only way my mother would risk it all. That’s the only way I could never agree, but understand her lapse in judgement.

But as I look deep into Eloisa’s eyes and that singular word,everything, replays in my brain, I know it’s not true. I know there isn’t anything redeemable about Jarett.

And if that’s true, then…

The hard part is that I’m not ready to admit it.

I can’t.

The sound of Eloisa’s squishy shoes trying to circumvent me drags me back to the surface. To a new reality.

I step on her toes and she winces. Immediately, her hands fly to my shoulders to steady herself as she tips forward against me. She curls her fingers, desperate not to touch me, but dependent on my support.

“So you wanted to show your mother? So she could leave him?”

She nods, tears welling in her eyes, though it can’t be from pain. I’m pinning her, not crushing her.

“But you said everything was wrong with your father.”

She doesn’t answer, her lips beginning to form words, but ultimately she’s at a loss.

“Everythingwas wrong, is wrong with Jarett and she hasn’t left him. Yet you expect me to believe that video would suddenly cause her to change? Is Jarett screwing my mother somehow worse than anything he’s ever done to you?”

Her lip quivers, her big doe eyes swimming with emotion.

What has he done to you? My mind begins to wonder, but as she tries to flee by slipping out of her shoes, all my care flees with her.

In two bounds, I catch her around the neck and those hot tears finally fall onto my finger necklace.

“Liar,” I hiss, feeling her shaky breaths tickle my lips. “You knew deep down that wouldn’t work. You know deep down you aren’t that important to your mother. But Jarett is. You wanted to get away from them both, didn’t you? And Beaulieu would be your shelter and meal ticket.”

She begins to shake her head, but I squeeze her hard, stopping the motion.

“You wanted to nail that audition and that video was your way to do it. Your leverage. So what? Did you speak to my mother the following week? Did you bluff that you had the tape? Did she ask for proof and when you couldn’t provide it, she brushed you aside like the trash she always made you feel like? Then, once you realised you couldn’t get into the school of your dreams, you use that very school, her alma mater, to ruin her reputation.”

Despite my squeezing, she still tries to speak, tolie. But all that leaves her lips are sputters.

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