Page 87 of Swallow Your Sorries

Better?

“I don’t understand.”

“Technique can be learned, expression, emotion, is harder to teach. Either you have it or you don’t. Either it ignites and shines through or it doesn’t. Take Rin, for example. She executes every move with perfection. It’s why I make her do so many demonstrations for the class.”

I bite my lip and taste blood. Just the sound of Rin’s name makes the mark on my breast burn and my fist itch to punch something.

“But she could never be the lead in any of my plays as she imagines she will be for the midterm production. Though we still haven’t picked a title yet…”

“Because she lacksexpression?”

“Correct! And that’s something I can’t teach her. Though I have tried since year ten, the girl’s soul is dead when it comes to dance. It’s why she’s so frigidly good at ice skating.”

“But you can teach me about technique?” I ask, my hopes soaring.

Her expression falls. “Only to a point. This is advanced ballet. I don’t have time to go over basic positioning with you every class. That’s what beginner and intermediate ballet are for.”

That’s where Stassi, Hale, and Zedd had headed. It helped with their ballroom dancing, but they never took it as seriously as Aria and Étienne nor Rin and Bae, who apparently skated in the singles categories.

“But college scouts don’t even look at those classes. They don’t even get cast in the plays as leads, only as background dancers.”

Lately, my emotions have been swinging like a pendulum. One second, when I’m splintering, an intrusive thought crosses my mind to march to the office and ask for Gant’s refund. The next, I’m grasping at Beaulieu for dear life.

“But you’d get the best instruction there.”

“No,” I shake my head so quickly that the blood rushes around and my eyes nearly cross. “I can’t leave the advanced class.”

“I’m afraid that’s not up to you. I can cut students from my class and knock them down a level if they’re dragging behind and I’ve done it before. It’s for everyone’s own good.”

“But it would defeat the point of me staying here despite everything.” Despite me not deserving a position. Still, I’d gotten it, and the only way I can redeem it is to not waste it. “I have to get in front of those college scouts.”

“You really do have heart…” Mistress laments. “Well, you have until midterm to change my mind. I suggest you find a student from the class to tutor you.Intensively.”

I nod quickly. “Aria.”

I don’t know why I blurt that out. Aria’s barely my acquaintance. Still, maybe the offer of her spare leotard is a step towards friendship. Ok, maybe cordialness.

“She’s my roommate. I’ll ask her if she can—”

“Shecannot,” Mistress interrupts adamantly. “Her focus is on ice skating. She doesn’t eat, sleep and breathe ballet and while she keeps up excellently with the class, I don’t think she has what it takes to mentor you. Even Rin’s interests are split.”

I’d quite literally eat cat shit before I ask Rin for help.

“Then who do you suggest?”

“Mr Auclair, of course.” She nods over my shoulder at the corner where Gant is leisurely taking sips of water, his eyes trained on us.

It’s as if the skies have opened up and a chorus of “We fucking hate you, Eloisa Ginhart!” rings down on me. Because of course, it’s Gant.

It’s always Gant fucking Auclair.

“You said you heard the rumours,” I whisper, my heart thudding in my throat. “If you have, then you cannot seriously suggest—”

“I’m not one for gossip,” Mistress Errard says, suddenly superior as she grabs her cane. “I’m solely interested in producing the best students upon graduation. Gant Auclair, like his mother, is the best. If he can’t help you, no other student can.”

Help me?This is just the opportunity he’s been waiting for to devour me.

“You have until midterm,” she says, grabbing her bag. “Oh, and Elle? We don’t body shame our students, but we must be open if we feel something is impairing the student’s performance. In this case, it’s your leotard. The seams are begging for a reprieve, my dear.”

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