Page 88 of Swallow Your Sorries

Sliding on her sunglasses, she saunters away with a click of her cane and I’m left staring at her back until it disappears around the doorway.

What the fuck am I going to do?

To my surprise, Gant and his shit-eating grin don’t approach me. It’s Aria, waiting just outside the studio doors that does. She’d freed her curly hair from its sleek bun and it blows around her face almost ethereally in the breeze.

My scalp pulses in response to a tension headache, but if I take my hair out, it’ll look like greasy red straws given the copious amount of gel I’d used that morning. Given all the nicknames I’d already acquired, I didn’t need more added to the roster.

“What did Mistress say?” Aria asks, and for a second time, I’m surprised by her care.

Is she actually interested? Or just nosey? Then again, who am I to turn down a conversation as of late? Besides Gant and Sovereign Leader, Platinum Blonde, no one bothered to talk to me. About me where I can clearly hear the conversation, sure. But never to me.

“That if I don’t get a tutor, she’ll kick me out of the advanced class by midterm. She suggests Gant, despite knowing our backstory.”

“Damn,” Aria blows out a breath. “So when do your private lessons start?”

I nearly choke on the water I’ve just taken a sip of. “Never.”

“You’re going to risk getting demoted because of your pride?”

“Would you seriously beg the person who despises you, humiliates you, bullies you, for some one-on-one alone time? I can’t even eat in the hall because of him.”

I eye the dining hall now that half the class is heading to. The ones that don’t give a fuck that they reak, while the other half head to the showers first. Over the weekend, I’d resorted to sprinting to the hall, so I was the first in line. I’d dump the food from the porcelain plates into the plastic-lined pockets of my hoodie before booking it back to the dorms.

But making it to the hall unscathed was easy on the weekend. No one got up early or rushed to the hall if they didn’t have to. With the bells back in place, there’s no way for me to avoid the crowd. I’d have to make do with the saltine cracker packets left over from yesterday’s soup.

And no, I’m not being cowardly. I’m being smart. Resourceful.

I don’t have enough shampoo to deal with another gnocchi and clam chowder deep conditioning treatment courtesy of the senior girls.

If only I could afford a cosmetics mini fridge like Aria and Stassi, I wouldn’t have to deal with starving all day.

If only I had a job, I could buy myself nonperishable food to hide beneath my bed.

If only Gant Auclair didn’t despise me, I could simply exist.

But you wouldn’t exist here at Beaulieu if he didn’t either.

“If it meant getting what I wanted,” Aria says, bringing me back to the present. “My ultimate dream.”

“I still have every intention of getting my dream. I just don’t need to risk my life with Gant to do it. I still don’t know what he ultimately wants from me. It’s not like I can undo time to make thingsrightin his eyes, so I’m convinced nothing will appease him. Besides, he isn’t the only good ballet dancer on campus.”

I eye the back of Platinum Prince now. He’s a close second to Gant.

Aria notices. “No, but he is thebest. And with his mom’s methods, he’s a great teacher.”

Madame was a good instructor, just not for me. Still, I remember how helpful Gant’s pointers were two years ago.

I shake my head. “He’s planning something. It’ll be a trap. That’s the only way he’ll say yes in the first place. It’d be the perfect opportunity to slaughter me.”

“You know, if you’re worried about being caught off guard, why don’t you just get the upper hand first?”

“How?”

“Offer him something youknowhe wants, so it’s a fair exchange. Gant’s a lot of things, but he’s honest. It’s probably his only good quality. Offer him a fair trade and he won’t go back on his word.”

Why’s Aria offering me advice?

A shiver goes through me as I peer down at her. It must be the pale blue of her leotard, making her blue-green eyes appear so icy in the sun today. Still, the sight of them freezes my blood. Could I even trust her? She’s friends with the horsemen while we’re barely acquaintances.

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