Page 99 of Swallow Your Sorries

Damn, I wasn’t the only one going through so much drama at meal times.

“At first Zedd was too busy to notice me shuffling food around my plate, but Hale noticed from the start. He tried cornering me today as if I can trust him, but he’s just as overprotective of me as Zedd is.” She blows out a breath. “If I told him I’d never hear the end of it, then again, he seems ready to stage an intervention. He’s learning how to cook now. Just for me.”

“That’s sweet,” I say, wishing not for the first time that I had a sibling. A built-in friend. Then again, I wouldn’t wish my upbringing on a snail.

“Zedd’s super sweet in his own way, if you can believe it. I hate the look on his face when I can’t finish something, or when I can’t even tolerate it at all. He thinks it’s him. That he’s messing up the recipes somehow. He’s becoming obsessed with making authentic cuisine. Lately, he’s been obsessed with curries and masalas.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“It is. Or it was. My stomach can’t handle it yet. If ever.”

Damn. No more spicy or savoury foods? Potentially ever?

“I just want everyone to leave me alone. It’s hard enough to deal with my own feelings surrounding the surgery, my body, and my eating. I don’t need feedback from everyone else, too.”

I got that. That’s why I’m keeping my trap shut now. She doesn’t need feedback. What’s done is done, so how about some encouragement?

“I don’t think I’m mentally strong enough to withstand two days of a liquid diet, much less weeks. I think you should give yourself more credit.”

“Maybe…” she trails after a pregnant pause. “Where do you eat lunch? I haven’t seen you in the dining hall since, well, theincident.”

I’m glad someone on campus has enough couth to not bring it up outright. Rin and her roaches do that enough as it is.

“Yeah, well, if I don’t want to wear my lunch, it’s best I avoid the hall altogether. I just slip some stuff into my bag and hide out. Loser behaviour I know.”

“No, that’s genius. I can’t hide and make up excuses all the time, but a few library detours for homework or extra dance sessions would be plausible. Competition season is coming up after all. We could steal a few bites together, then escape.”

“You want to eat lunch with me?”Damn,I hate how awed and pathetic that comes out. But I’d be lying if I said loneliness isn’t getting to me mentally.

“You’re the only one that understands now, and you haven’t given me lip for it, so why not?”

For the first time in days, a smile cracks the corners of my lips but it quickly falters when she says, “Alright, your turn to spill. Why are you covered in filth?”

I rehash the Rin incident as quickly as I can, but I omit a few details. Like the fact that I forwarded Rin’s email trail to myself. And any details of the photos I managed to see. I let her know that I think Rin may be sending Beaussip content though. I mean, Aria had already said that she suspected Rin in front of Stassi anyway.

Stassi’s face grows redder with each word, and by the time I’m done, I’m positive her complexion matches my hair.

“We can’t let her get away with this.”

We?I liked the sound of that.

“I won’t. But first, I need a plan.”

Stassi nods before assessing my leotard. “That was yourgoodone, right?”

So she’d noticed. I guess everyone had, seeing as I only have three and this one looked relatively new. Keywordlooked.

“Was,” I confirm miserably. “At least I have others, unlike my uniform…”

My uniform’s so fucked, the teachers keep pulling me aside to talk about mypresentation.

“I have a uniform you can borrow, and don’t worry, it’s not a size sixteen like me. It’s an eight. What size do you wear?”

“An eight.” I nod.“But why do you have a size eight uniform if you wear a sixteen?”

“My mum bought it as motivation. She wants me to be an eight by next semester.”

That’s drastic, surgery or not. That would mean halving herself in a few months. More than half, actually.

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