Page 128 of Swallow Your Sorries

It takes Mum a minute to answer and when she does, the background noise diminishes like she’s just walked into the bathroom.

“Yes, I’m celebrating.”

Now that there’s less noise, I can hear her voice better and it’s slurred.

“Are you drunk?” I whisper, shifting a few aisles over again from the girls’ giggles.

Mum never drank. Not even on special occasions. I’d asked her about it once and she said that Jarett drank enough for the both of them.

“I’m just having a little fun, Ellie,” she says on a hiccup. “Don’t I deserve a little celebration every once in a while?”

I shift uncomfortably. Drinking was Jarett’s thing.

“What are you celebrating?” I ask, finally staring back at a mannequin head with purple gems in the eye sockets.

“That’s why I’m calling you so early. I couldn’t wait to share the news.” She’s bubbling with so much excitement that it makes my heart automatically speed up with her rushed words. “I won!”

“Won what?”

“The Big Scratch!”

What the hell is that?But then it sinks in. Scratch. Scratch cards. Scratchers. She’d been playing Jarett’s scratchers again.

“I thought you said that was a one-time thing?”

“It was…then it became a sometimes thing.”

“Mum—”

“I won ten grand Elle! Ten freaking grand.”

I should be jumping for joy. I should feel an immense sense of relief that Mum wouldn’t struggle as badly for at least six months so long as she played her cards right. She’d have heat and full cupboards, and she wouldn’t have to worry about rent for a while.

But I don’t feel happy. I feel fear starting to creep through my veins like a slow-moving poison.

“How much did you spend to get it?”

“Oh, Ellie—”

Ellie. The precursor to her bullshit.

“Don’t,” I snap. “Don’t try to baby me like I’m stupid. How much did you spend on the scratchers? Have you been buying them weekly? Daily?”

“Elle, I only pick one up when I go in to buy fuel—”

“That’s no less than twice a week!”

She lets out a long sigh, and the line goes quiet, save for the jukebox’s muffled tone.

“Can’t you just be happy for me? For us? Just for today, and we can discuss the rest later.”

Stassi’s squeal as Aria pushes her harder on the swing draws my attention to both girls. Damn, what I wouldn’t give to be that carefree with them.

“Look, I’m glad you won, but no more scratchers. Okay? They’re addictive and you’re going to waste far more than you ever earn. You just got lucky this time.”

“So let me enjoy my luck.”

“Just promise me first.”

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