Page 157 of Swallow Your Sorries

“That you’re so mannerless you seem to be raised by wolves and not a human mother?”

“I never said I was a good person. I said she was a good mother.”

“And I believe you. You don’t have to convince me.”

The silence stretches between us for a long moment.

“Gant?” she reaches out a hesitant hand to cup my face. “I’m sorry for the pain you went through. Maybe one day you’ll explain it to me, but that doesn’t have to be today. I can recognise pain when I see it and I’m sorry you’re still living through it. I’m sorry that I contributed towards it and I’m sorry for whatever horrible things you’ve witnessed because of it. I wouldn’t wish these types of nightmares, or reminders, on anyone. They’re truly horrible.”

I hate the pity swirling in her eyes. Not because it’s there, but because it makes me feel too much. I don’t want to feel anything. I haven’t felt anything until she came back into my life.

“Are you actually apologising to me instead of demanding one from me instead?”

“I always wanted to apologise. You weren’t ready to hear it.”

“Still? After everything?”

“If I’ve wronged you with my actions, I owe you an apology regardless of your own actions. I can only control myself. Not you.”

I let that sink in.

“But to be clear, I don’t want an apology from you because it’ll be in vain. You aren’t sorry. You felt justified and vindicated. Undoubtedly, it made you feel better. But it was fleeting. Last night gave me the tiniest glimpse into your life and you’re fucking miserable. Torturing me doesn’t give you any relief. Not for long anyway.”

“I don’t need you to feel sorry for me,” I say, unable to keep the venom from my tone.

“I don’t. Having sympathy is different.”

“Then what? You think this is my karma, then?” I ask, gesturing to the blankets and greenhouse. To what she witnessed last night.

“No, I think it’s your prison.”

The silence festers between us, but still, she keeps her legs wrapped around me.

“I could help you with a release.” It comes out raspy, deep and so fucking sexy.

“I’m not fucking you yet,” I say even as I work her entrance, letting the tight ring of muscles envelop the head of my cock and choke it before I ease out again.

“Why not?” she whimpers.

“What’s a pussy if it doesn’t contract in tune to your heartbeat that’s racing with—”

“With what?”

“Affection. It’s just a dark, greedy hole. I can find that anywhere. I won’t settle for it with you.”

“You’re delusional.” She sighs softly.

“I know my worth, and I know I’m worth your heart.”

She’s momentarily stunned. “After all you’ve done to me, you truly believe that?”

“I never said I deserved it. I said I’m worth it.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

I ignore her. “I’m unrelentingly selfish. Spoiled. I always get what I want.”

“Then maybe I’ll be the first person to tell you no.”

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