Page 166 of Swallow Your Sorries

That’s deep.

Or maybe it’s just the drink.

I watch as she drags herself across the floor to the desk chairs and grabs the wigs we bought earlier before pushing herself up against the wall. With one hand, she fixes the blonde wig on her head carefully before gazing at herself in Stassi’s floor-length mirror. It’s as if she’s making sure her disguise is convincing enough to trick both of us about her identity. I don’t think she wants to talk about Étienne if she’s still Aria.

Next, she throws the curly wig at me and motions with the vodka bottle that she wants me to put it on. As silly as it sounds, I feel better once I do. We aren’t Aria and Elle anymore, but Caramel and Sangria.

I wait patiently as she slips on her hooker heels without buckling the ankle straps and knocks them together for good measure, the plastic goldfish bobbing in the clear encasement.

“I’ve always loved Étienne. From the moment we became skating partners at age nine. That’s how our parents met each other. The coach had paired us up, and we began winning smaller competitions. We became a golden duo, and we became inseparable on and off the ice.” She pauses, swirling the clear contents of the bottle over and over again and watching it form a little whirlpool. When she finally gets sick of doing so, her teary eyes fly to mine. “It’s not fair.Isaw him first. But that’s not valid because we were children. It’s just puppy love. We’ll outgrow it. Just innocent little crushes to sweep under the rug in favour of our parents’ love. But we’re eighteen now and the only thing that’s changed is that I love him even more.”

I don’t know if it’s the liquor, but suddenly my heart cracks with her voice, and my eyes burn too.

“And I can’t be with him because their being together took him away from me.”

Damn.

“At first, I thought it was fantastic. We got to see each other outside of school and the rink. We got to go on vacations together, spend holidays together, and sleep at each other’s houses. When our parents bought the penthouse and we all moved in together when I was twelve, I thought it was a dream come true… but it’s a fucking nightmare.”

I can guess why, but I keep quiet, letting her vent and take her time.

“Do you know how hard it is to pretend to be someone’s sister? How confusing is it to view their father as your own, yet you view them separately?”

Of course, I didn’t. I didn’t have a sexy stepbrother I wanted to fuck.

“Does Étienne know this?”

“I don’t know.”

“Now look who’s playingmiddle road.”

“Étienne and I’s relationship is abnormal. I can’t explain it. We say a lot, but nothing at all. We do a lot, but nothing at all. I can’t tell you what is from what isn’t because I think I know and then again I don’t, actually.”

“That is profound…” I slur before raising my cup. “Or it could just be the drink.”

“What does it matter now?” Her laugh is cold and bitter. “Maybe our parents’ dismissal was right that we just needed space and new experiences and new people. He’s obviously growing close to Rin. Maybe it’s for the best. What kind of weirdo is in love with their soon-to-be stepbrother?”

“I don’t think it’s weird,” I say softly, well now that I’ve gotten more of the backstory. “Just look at me. I’m falling into like with my bully. It’s not only weird. It’s pathetic, and it’s sad as fuck.”

I scratch my scratchy wig and straighten it like a crown. Maybe Rin is right about me. Miss Dumb Bitch Universe.

“But you know what’s crazier?” I ask.

“What?”

“The more I like him, the more scared I am to fuck him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s winning. He’s getting exactly what he wants by becomingsomeoneto me. And if he becomes someone to me, I’ll care about the aftermath.”

“And you’re scared about caring about the aftermath,” Aria slurs.

I nod. “Because then that means it isn’t just a game anymore. Not for me, anyway.”

Aria shakes her head sadly. “I’m so jealous of you. You’re lucky.”

I snort right as I swallow another mouthful of my drink and end up shooting snotty alcohol from my nose. I wipe it on my shirt. “There isn’t a lucky bone in my body.”

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