Page 177 of Swallow Your Sorries

“It’s the truth. You said you could save yourself, and you have no choice but to. I can’t possess your body and swim for you.”

“Something tells me you would if you could.”

“I told you there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep you with me. Even dragging you into the spring, but I’d rather you get in on your own, even if it takes all evening.”

I look at the water again. “More like all week.”

“All week then. I’m extremely patient.”

And so he is, because ten minutes tick by before I join him at the edge, dip my feet and grip a curved tree root for dear life.

Another five tick by before I break the silence.

“Why? Why aren’t you rushing me?”

“I can be a lot of things, but I don’t ever want to be compared to Jarett in your mind ever again.”

I glance at the water and freeze as memories of getting shoved in resurface, and swallow me whole.

Warm fingers grip my knee.

“To get out of the flashback, you have to stay in the present. Concentrate on things that can ground you. The sky. The trees. The birds. Me. Whatever makes you feel at peace. Don’t fight it.”

I gaze at his profile, taking in his words, then at him. Every eyelash, every strand tickling his forehead, the straight slope of his nose, even the shell of his ear. Then I let go of the branch and slowly dip into the water until my breasts are covered and my feet hit the bottom.

Immediately I think it’s a mistake, but before I can jump out, Gant’s sliding in beside me, his warm body pressing against mine.

“If it makes you feel better. I’ve been a lifeguard for three summers.”

I blink up at him. “You volunteered to do something good?”

“No. Beaulieu requires a few hours of community service every semester.”

“So not out of the goodness of your heart then,” I say, unsurprised. “How on brand.”

Gant steps in front of me so my view of the water behind him is blocked out. I know he senses my eyes lingering on the middle that looks like an abyss. It doesn’t matter that I know I can stand. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been in the spring before. I wasn’t thinking then. My only goal had been to get to Gant. I wasn’t a complete idiot, though. I’d seen him walk across it and the water was barely above his navel, so I knew I could stand before getting in.

Still, it’s different now.

“I did it at my parents’ country club with Zedd and Hale for two summers,” he continues, ignoring my remark.

I guess that’s how he was able to get me out of the lake.

“How did you even find this spring?” I ask, wanting to take my mind off that incident. If I keep talking, maybe I can distract myself from the fact that I’m submerged in a body of water. It doesn’t matter that I can stand. It doesn’t matter that Gant’s gripping my waist. Don’t they say you can drown in an inch of water?

“I learned about the old greenhouse from my father. So did Zedd from his. That’s how we met, actually. Zedd was convinced the old greenhouse would be his for his stay at Beaulieu. He’d brought Hale with him. Hale’s father never went to Beaulieu, or at least he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know who his father is. Bae’s father studied in Korea so he was new too. He found us when we were all squabbling over the building. Well, that’s not true. Zoi found us.”

“He’s been hiding Zoi for that long?”

Gant nods. “He said he should have the greenhouse.”

“Why?”

“Because he wanted to fix it to make it a comfortable home for Zoi on the nights when he couldn’t sneak him into the dorm.”

“What was his claim to it? I mean, you and Zedd had your father’s legacies.”

“Blackmail. He said he’d spill the beans about Zedd’s car he hides in the forest.”

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