Page 181 of Swallow Your Sorries

“Why don’t you take it down?”

“I can’t. He’s made sure of it.”

My stomach twists and turns as I try to imagine just how and why it can’t be removed.

I dry my hand as best as I can before running it along his cold jaw. We were both freezing now that we were out of the water.

“I’m sorry.”

“It has nothing to do with you.”

“I’m sorry all the same.”

Reluctantly, he lets go of the towel and holds me tighter. “Have you ever thought that all of this shit is worth it? No, not worth it. That all of this is bearable because it leads to something different. A new form of happiness, or peace?”

Before I can answer, he continues.

“I can’t find a reason for why she chose Jarett, so my brain invents one. Lately, it’s been telling me that she didn’t choose Jarett. She chose you because she knew we’d need each other.”

My heart grows five sizes too big for my chest and in his eyes, I can see vulnerability and hope and desperation and pain all swirling in those black abysses waiting for me to agree.

“I know it doesn’t make sense.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and press my chest tighter against him. I can feel his heartbeat like this, and it’s galloping wildly. “I told you before, it doesn’t have to.”

Although for me it is making sense now.

I don’t hate Gant anymore.

And I’ll leave it at that for now.

“When I say you’re my little doll, I don’t mean it because I think you’re an object.”

“Then how do you mean it?”

“You’re precious to me. Someone I always want at my side. In my bed.”

I don’t like this feeling spreading through me. This one of comfort and warmth. I don’t trust it. I don’t trust him or I didn’t. Now a shift’s happening, and I can’t let that happen. Using him to help me swim and dance is one thing. Trusting and believing him is another.

“Am I becomingsomeoneto you?” he asks, and I can’t lie.

“Unfortunately.”

He tugs my ponytail, so I’m forced to look up at him and accept a kiss that makes my insides melt straight down into my core.

But for once, I don’t want to hop on his dick.

This feels like more than lust, andI hate it.

“Do you want to get back in?” he asks when we finally pull apart.

I shake my head no. “But I’m not ready to go yet.”

I’m not ready for you to leave me yet.

“Tell me something,” I say as my teeth begin to chatter and Gant pulls the edges of the towel up and over us like a burrito. “Anything. Anything to take our minds off of…off of everything.”

A happier, or rather a more mischievous smile replaces his solemn one.

---