Page 198 of Swallow Your Sorries

Again, silence, but something’s in her eyes that are glued to me now.

“Gant...”

She’s resisting, but she’s thawing. I can tell from the slump of her shoulders.

“I’m showing signs and symptoms.”

“No, you’re not,” she says tiredly.

“You’re infecting me.” I pull her closer. So close her nipples graze me again. “I want to be infected. All this time, I thought you were an affliction I needed to cure. But that’s impossible because you’re the problem and the solution.”

“I can’t be the solution.”

“Why not?”

“We both know why, Gant.”

“I don’t think we do.”

She sighs and tries to escape my grasp, but I won’t let her. “You said we’d find the driver of the green car together.”

“So?”

“So, what do you expect to happen after that?”

“I’m not a psychic.”

“You don’t need to be to make an educated guess. We’ll graduate and all of this will be behind us. I can’t be your fix after that because we’ll be parting ways. It’s better to part them now. I’ll still help you identify the driver, but then that’s it. We can call it even or not, but I’m not playing anymore. I refuse to. So move all the pieces around me and cause chaos, but this intimate stuff, it’s over.”

“Why are you so scared?”

“I’m not.”

I stroke her hip, then her spine, and she shivers.

“You’re covered in goosebumps.”

“We’re naked in a draughty room,” she deadpans.

“You were covered in them even before the steam cleared.” I stroke the underside of her left breast and feel it jump as her heart speeds up. “Your breast is pounding in tune with your heart.”

She looks down at the mound I’m massaging between my fingers before letting out a little sigh. I can feel that too.

“It’s barely noticeable, but I can see it. Can feel it.”

I pinch her nipple and, just like always, she clutches my wrist. Her grip is so fucking weak. Just like her resolve.

“I’m not afraid of you, Gant. I’ve been through far worse.”

“It’s not me you’re afraid of. It’s the idea of losing me after. After finding the driver. After graduation…” I hold her tighter. “You’re afraid ofafter.”

She snorts. “You seriously think you’re the world’s axis.”

“Just yours. Join the club because you’ve rotated mine for two years.”

Her brows furrow. “I’mnotworried about losing you—”

“You’re worried about losing yourselfwith me. It’s one thing if I’m gone, right? It’s another if you’ve lost a part of yourself with me.”

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