Page 24 of Swallow Your Sorries

Gant

I stare at the cheap imitation ofher.

Herwho haunts my dreams.

Herwho I can’t fucking escape for one bloody hour of the day.

Herwho broke my family and shattered me.

Herwho I’ve never shown to Hale or anyone besides my father.

In the poor light emitting from a massive flat-screen TV that’s playing music videos, and at a distance, I can almost mistake her for my festering fixation.

Almost.

Hale gives me a knowing look. This is his present, his thank you for cosigning his bullshit.

“She’ll let you do anything,” Hale whispers.

“Anything?” Bae lifts a brow.

“Anything,” Hale reiterates. “Wrap your fingers around her throat and squeeze. Choke her. Tell her how she’s fucked everything, and now you’re going to fuck her.”

Bae looks more intrigued than I feel.

“Tell her what a little cunt she is. What a little cunt she’s been.”

The redhead smiles, spreading her legs and causing the micro skirt that she’s wearing to ride up her waist, exposing her bald cunt for emphasis.

Hale licks his lips. “Beat it the fuck up and get it all out. You’ll both enjoy it and then, maybe...”

“Maybe what?” I ask with a little too much ice. “I’ll go back to before?”

Before I was unwell.

Back when the only thing on my mind was the next party and the next fuck.

Back when my friends didn’t have to walk on eggshells, so afraid that I’d explode. So afraid they’d never be able to put me back together again.

I hate them for thinking I’m so fragile.

I love them for staying even though I’m exhausting.

Even though I’m exhausted.

Hale hesitates for a moment. “No. Maybe it’ll take the edge off. You’ve been on edge, Gant, and you’re about to free fall.”

“You’ve got to get that cunt out of your bloodstream,” Bae says lowly. “Two years and she’s still mind fucking you so hard she’s turning your brain into rot.”

“Take it out on her,” Hale says seriously. “It doesn’t take the itch away, but it scratches it.”

“You would know,” Bae snorts, eyeing Hale’s antihistamines lounging in the corner. There are three of them. “You think Zedd would stay and watch you fuck Stassi simulators?”

Hale had gone all out this time. First, it was just blondes. Then curvy blondes. Then curvy blondes with brown eyes. Then curvy blondes with big honey-coloured eyes, platinum highlights, fat asses and cherry tits.

“Maybe. Zedd isn’t as refined as he pretends to be, and we’re all a little fucked up. But don’t worry, I still have you as my audience.”

Bae isn’t a doer in his constant long sleeves and fucking turtlenecks despite the weather. He’s an observer and that extends far past his voyeurism.

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