Page 232 of Swallow Your Sorries

“Your punching bag.”

“Look at me.”

I turn to him like I’m back on that invisible string again.

“I don’t want to hurt you in any other way except one. But it won’t be purely pain. It can be pleasurable too and I can be your own personal form of therapy while you ride the wave of emotions.”

I swallow.

“Your mother? Forget her. Our classmates? They don’t exist. Me? Use me.”

“To make myself feel better?”

“And worse. But just for a little while. I can make you feel euphoric.”

Tingles. Tingles erupt beneath my skin and I swallow. “I thought I had to love you first.”

“You came to me. Again. There’s a web of spiders above our heads, and a spring just outside that door, both things you fear and yet, you’re here because you feel safe with me despite it all. If that’s not love, what is it?”

Forget Mum.

If she loves me, she’ll do the right thing, right? She’ll have read the notice and fixed things. Just like if I were Jarett, she’d ensure I have somewhere to lay my head tomorrow night too.

Right?

Nothing feels certain. Not where I’ll spend my break.

Not my dancing career.

Not whatever this is brewing between Gant and me, but what I am certain about is that I want to test how good at therapy he really is.

“You don’t have to say it,” he says, leaning in to kiss my lips, sucking on my bottom one before releasing it with a pop. “But look into my eyes and tell me that I’m not someone to you now.”

“You’re not just anyone, no. Your someone.”

“Just the first someone?”

“No.”

“Someone that has a spot in your heart?”

“Yes?”

“Someone you’d give all yourself to?”

“Yes.”

“The deepest parts?”

“Yes,” I nod licking my lips.

“Someone you’d give your blood for?”

“You make it sound like a sacrifice.”

“That’s exactly what it is. A covenant between us.”

“A covenant?”

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