Page 49 of Swallow Your Sorries

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the diamond pane window behind her. My outer reflection perfectly captures my inner turmoil because I barely look human. Wet, puffy, and lobster red, I’m more akin to a skinned, drowned ginger rat.

This must be how Gant sees me. How the entire school views me.

But another thought intercepts my self-loathing.

“If Madame was running away, even if only temporarily, I take it Gant’s father, her husband, is pretty intense?” I know all about intense fathers. Maybe Mum had been right about the Auclairs all along.

Aria and Stassi exchange a look.

“Brutal.” Stassi nods. “If he hadn’t found out about the affair in such a public way, Gant thinks his mom wouldn’t have panicked so much. He says she waspetrified.”

“With such a psychotic husband, it makes you wonder why she played such a dangerous game,” Aria says. “Especially in such a public place. I mean, the studio where she works?”

“Don’t blame the victim—” Stassi begins.

“I’m not.” Aria shrugs. “I just wonder what she was thinking?”

Stassi shifts uncomfortably, but I’d been thinking along the same lines as Aria since I walked in on their screw session. It didn’t make sense why Madame would choose to do that in a place where anyone could walk in.

Sure, it was a transitional period. A break where the last class was gone and the later classes wouldn’t arrive for roughly a half hour, but still.

It’s like she was asking to be caught and by minors no less.

Don’t blame the victim.But it is a valid question.

“If her husband’s a tyrant, then I wonder what she saw in my abusive father?” I say more to myself again. “Jarett sounds so similar to her husband that I can’t imagine he was much of an escape?”

Mum said Dad was a terrible actor, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe under the right circumstances, with just the right amount of time, Jarett was able to become a chameleon. Maybe he was able to become what Madame needed or wanted. We can all pretend for an hour, can’t we?

It’s the only thing that makes sense. Madame must’ve seen something in Jarett that she didn’t see in her own husband, even if it was just pure, primal lust.

“Your father?!” Aria and Stassi ask in unison.

“Gant never mentioned that the guy was your dad,” Stassi says wide-eyed. “No wonder he hates you so much.”

Another tremor goes through me as Gant’s dark, murderous gaze creeps into my mind’s eye.

“But why’d you do it?” Aria asks, leaning forward. “Why’d you spread your dad’s sex tape around?”

“It was an accident,” I say, my voice breaking. “Gant had everything wrong that day. He thinks I wanted to blackmail his mother into giving me lessons and in hindsight, I can’t say I blame him. I hated Madame, I’d even told him as much. Of course, I had no idea she was his mother.”

“Then?” Stassi lifts a brow.

“All I wanted to do was break my parents up.” I can barely hold my tears anymore, but I tilt my head back and gaze up at the ceiling so gravity can’t win. Not yet anyway. “My father was, is, toxic, but my mother refuses to leave him. I thought if she saw the tape, it’d finally snap her out of this trance Jarett had over her. I thought if Jarett was gone, she could finally focus on me. On us.”

I squeeze the knot on my towel tighter and take deep breaths to stave off the hyperventilation I feel coming. When I calm down enough, I go on.

“Gant saw me record their encounter in the showers. He wrestled my phone away from me and when I wouldn’t give him the passcode to delete the video, he broke it but not before sending the video to his number. I just couldn’t let it go. I needed that video. So when I saw him at the studio again, I lured him away from his phone, got the video and emailed it myself. Well, I tried too—”

“But you sent it to Beaussip instead?” Aria asks.

I nod. “Our emails both start with B’s and it just dropped down from his list. I got spooked and clicked it by accident. Given the context clues, I’m going to assume Beaussip stands for Beaulieu and gossip? The academy’s gossip site?”

Stassi nods. “Bingo.”

I shake my head. “It was just a massive mistake. I didn’t want to cause any drama for Madame, despite what Gant thinks. I was only going to show my mum the video frommyphone if he hadn’t broken it. I swear.”

Stass and Aria look unsure.

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