Page 70 of Swallow Your Sorries

If only she knew how right she’d been.

“But I was just being paranoid. If you’ve taught me anything, Elle, it’s how to be brave. We can’t cower in fear. Not anymore.”

I freeze.Where was my mother who hid under countertops, and what had a half week apart done to her?

“I took your advice,” she goes on. “I joined the ceramics class.”

I reach for the ballet charm on the tarnished necklace at my throat. My near-death experience at the lake had completely ruined the metal, but somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. Somehow, it gave me hope. Hope that both Mum and I can improve ourselves during our time apart.

And maybe when we reunite, things will be normal.

The way it should’ve been if Jarett had just abandoned us from the start.

“That’s great,” I say, feeling hope bloom in my chest. “You won’t ever regret investing in yourself.”

“The bills might,” she sighs before laughing pitifully. “I got a little desperate and bought two scratchers tonight.”

“Won anything?” I ask, although I already know the answer.

“Two bucks. I put it toward the petrol.”

“Those can get addictive,” I scold her gently.“ It’s meant for the system to win, not you. Jarett wasted thousands on those things.”

“I know. It was a weak moment.”

A weak moment for money, or nostalgia? My stomach roils at the thought. Is she missing Jarett? Is she missing seeing his shitty scratchers everywhere?

“But I didn’t call to bog you down with my drama,” she says, trying to lighten her tone. “I want to hear more about your school life. Any boys?”

One shoots to the front of my mindagain. One who’d just seen and palmed my naked breasts, kissed my sternum and called medove. One who told me never to insult myself because I’m his and he has the best taste in the world.

Heat sears up my neck, and I press it against the cool metal bars to extinguish it.

No,I don’t like his crass attention, or so I keep telling myself. I hated the way his long, calloused fingertips had grazed my nipple and sent a shock of electricity down my spine straight to my core. I hated his black eyes that roved over my breasts like they were the best things he’d ever seen. I hated the feeling of his forehead pressed against mine, and the word ‘dove’ rolling off his tongue. I hated all of it.

I hate him.

“Absolutely not.” I clear my throat. “These blue-blooded boys aren’t relatable at all. An entirely different breed that I have nothing in common with.”

A shadow darting beneath my window causes me to jump. It moved so fast that I’m not sure if it’s an animal. Then again, it was too big to be a cat, racoon or dog, the only roving animals I’d encountered on campus. My eyes flick to the surrounding forest line. There aren’t wolves around here, right?

But it sounded like padding at first. Like four paws…

Now it sounds like two feet.

Pressing my nose between the bars for a closer look, my eyes sweep the deserted pathways and rose bushes for a sign of movement. When I catch sight of it again, I see two separate things. First, a dark blob, then in another flash of silvery moonlight, all I can make out is a head full of pin-straight black hair.

Mum chuckles. “Well, what about any friends outside of your roommates?”

“Rin,” I breathe, watching as the dark figure emerges into another short strip of moonlight before disappearing again. I know it’s her from the glittering headband, which I now realise is her signature. Tonight’s piece, in alignment with the autumn season, resembles an assortment of crystalized leaves arranged almost like a subtle tiara.

Of course, she thinks she’s some sort of queen. Queen Bitch, I suppose.

She’d burnt me with whatever was inside her insulated cup. I hadn’t noticed the angry red spot until this morning and the moment I acknowledged it, it began burning like a bitch. Gingerly, I touch the sore mark above my left breast that will surely get worse with time. If I hadn’t been wearing my blazer, who knows how much worse it could’ve been.

How much worse could it have been if the food attack hadn’t started forty minutes after everyone got their lunch? The leftovers had been lukewarm by then, not steaming like at the start.

I don’t want to think about it.

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