Page 116 of Feed Your Fiends

“Haven’t you felt that way before? I’m not saying it’s right, I’m saying I feel right when I’m with him. I’m so fucking tired of all this scheming. I just want a little break.” A respite. With him.

“Lazy,” she chants.

“Sometimes I like being his doll. I like him manoeuvring me because he knows exactly what to do.”

She looks at me like I’m slow.

“I know!” I hiss at her unspoken words of my stupidity and rub my temples. “But haven’t you ever felt this way?Ever?”

“I did once,” she confesses after a long pause. “But unlike you, I’ve learned my lesson, and I won’t ever allow myself to feel that helpless again. When I start missing him, wanting him, you know what I remind myself of? How much worse his betrayal felt than my current longing.”

Bae?

“Did his betrayal feel worse than how good it felt to be in his arms? Beneath him? On him?”

“I don’t know,” she says matter-of-factly. “I’ve never been someone’s precious little doll to manoeuvre around.”

“But all those dates—”

“I’m not an angel. You can have my hand, but you’ll never get inside of me. You’ll never be able to say that I opened up and let you, a fucking devil, in.” Her expression is so hard. So cold. So…lonely. The way I feel.

Is that why I’ve been denying Gant my pussy? I didn’t want him inside of me, to penetrate my heart all over again. But he’s already in me, embedded deep, because he never left. And even when I leave, I think a fragment of him will always remain.

“You’ll break eventually,” I say softly, thinking of Bae’s beautiful face that searches for Rin in every room. “Gant told me how badly he wanted to hurt me, and it still didn’t change anything. He was the right devil who didn’t knock but let himself in without my permission. One day, a fiend like that will tear down your door too because it not something you willingly let happen…it just happens.” Like destiny.

She presses her palm to my forehead, checking to see if I’m running a fever. “May this ailment of dick and stupidity never find me.”

“Is it so bad to be used up and worn out?” I ask, searching her eyes for validation.

“You’refreakingme out.”

“I like lying here and being his little doll. I like being used.”

“Elle!” But then something I don’t expect happens. Her shoulders shake, and a laugh racks her. “You’re filthy. Even more so than I thought.”

Her laugh makes me smile. It feels like I haven’t smiled in ages.

“Shouldn’t you be filthy with the right person?”

“Therightperson? You mean yourtormentor? Get a grip, girly and stick to the plan. You need to meet Bart Auclair. There isn’t any way around it. Meet him at the cricket match, and slide him the folder. State your demands clearly, and tell him that you want that transfer by midnight or Beaussip gets a copy of that file. Either way, the world’s going to find out the truth. Either way, Gant’s going to realize you were only using him, and that’s what you swore to me that you wanted. Remember, we have an agreement. If you don’t uphold your end, I’ll still get my cut through Beaussip because I’ll send it to her if I don’t get that screenshot of the transfer by daybreak.”

I stare at the ceiling again.

“Time’s ticking, and soon Gant will learn what you’ve been up to. So let him find out via Bart or via Beaussip. You know which one will hurt him more. But…if you want to be at his disposal one more time. I guess make it count tonight.”

My eyes flick to her. “I have your blessing?”

“How can I bless what’s already cursed?” She’s about to get off the bed when I grab her wrist.

“Why do you hate Bae?”

She freezes. “What?”

“Bae. You hate him. Why?”

“Random.”

“Is it? It’s been on my mind for at least a month, and I’m guessing on yours for way longer.”

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