Page 61 of Refuge for Cherilyn

“Then you can sleep in the back yard. You can sleep in the bed of my truck. I don’t give a god damn, as long as you’re not under my roof, do you understand me? You have been nothing but hateful and disrespectful to me, Cherilyn, and the girls since you got here. You’re one of the worst human beings I’ve ever met. No wonder your mom and Austin wanted you gone.”

In that instant, he regretted what he’d just said. Candace’s defiant expression turned to one of misery, and her lower lip quivered. “See? You don’t want me either. You’re just as bad as them. None of you give a damn about me. None of you! I’m tired of being forced to be places where I’m not wanted. I want to go somewhere, anywhere, but here.” A tear fell down one cheek, then another down the other cheek. “Not one damn soul on this earth loves me.”

Shaw stepped up in front of his daughter and wrapped his arms around her. As soon as he drew her up against him, she began to sob. They hadn’t beaten her or abused her, but she’d sure as hell been ignored. Her behavior was simply about lashing out in emotional pain, and he should’ve been smart enough to see that, but he’d missed it. There was too much going on, and she’d shown up at the absolute worst time possible. Still, that was no excuse. He was her dad, and he needed to act like it.

She leaned against him and sobbed, but she didn’t make any attempt to touch him. Instead, her hands were balled up under her chin, her body curved forward as though she suffered some unnamed, unseen agony. He let her cry for a minute or two, then pushed her back and cupped her face in his hands. “Hey, look at me.” When her eyes opened, he smiled into them. “Once upon a time, you were my little baby. Candace, I can’t tell you how happy and excited I was when you were born. You were my whole world. You followed me around, I played with you, we did things together. But your mom… I don’t make it a habit to speak badly about your mom, but she just snatched you away from me. It hurt. It still hurts to see you this much older and more grown up and barely knowing you. I know my little buddy is gone, but I still love you, sweetie. You’re still my baby girl, and I’ll always be your daddy, no matter what. But honey, you’ve?”

“Dad, I’m sorry. I really am. I’m so sorry. I just, I dunno, I don’t seem to belong anywhere and nobody wants me.”

“I want you. I’ve wanted you all long, honey, but you just ignored me or pushed me away. I’m sorry doing what I do and being who I am has been such an embarrassment to you, but I love what I do and I have a good life. It could be good for you too if you’d just let it. I think I just might have a shot at a happy home with a good woman.” He chuckled. “If you haven’t already run her off.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. It’s none of my business.”

“True, but the thing is, you embarrassed Cherilyn. That should’ve never been said in front of Maya, even though she’s your age. And as for Lara, I know you don’t like her, but?”

“Who says I don’t like her?”

“Candace, you’ve been pretty clear on how you feel about her.”

“I was just being an asshole. I don’t mind her. I just wish she didn’t scream all the time.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what the hearing test was about. We’re hoping to figure something out. It’s frustrating for her. She yells because she can’t hear, or at least that’s what we think. But honey, you can be part of this if you want to. You just have to act like you want to.”

“But I still can’t have a car?”

Shaw shook his head. “No. You still can’t have a car. But I promise you, as soon as you’re sixteen and have a permit, I’ll try to buy you something to drive. It may not be much, but it’ll get you around safely.”

The girl sighed, and Shaw was hopeful that they had come to a mutually-agreed-upon truce. “Okay. But I’m not happy about it.”

“You don’t have to be happy about it. That’s just the way it is. You’ll have to live with it.”

She looked up into his eyes. “You really want me here?”

“Yes. I really want you here. But I want you to behave like a decent human being, and I don’t really think that’s too much to ask. And now, I want you to go in there and apologize to Cherilyn.”

“Okay. But I do wish you’d be a little quieter.”

“Point made. Let’s go.”

The door opened and he found Cherilyn’s back to them as she stood at the kitchen sink, her hands braced on the sink rim and her head down. He gave Candace a little shove toward the kitchen and when she turned and looked at him, he nodded toward Cherilyn, so Candace inched into the room. “Um, Cherilyn?”

The blond at the sink didn’t turn around. She just said, “Yeah.”

“Hey, um, about what I said, I’m sorry. I really am. That was rude of me, and none of my business, and I shouldn’t have said that, especially in front of Lara.”

Cherilyn turned, her eyes red from crying. “I really wish you hadn’t. I had to explain our relationship to Maya, and that’s hard because I really don’t know what to say. This is new, and we’re still getting to know each other, but I care about your dad a lot. I mean, alot. What we were doing in the privacy of the bedroom is a natural way for us to express our love, and it really hurt that you made it seem dirty and ugly.”

Express our love. Shaw hadn’t missed that. It rang in his ears. “Yeah, and I really am sorry.” Candace hung her head. “Want me to talk to Maya?”

“Oh, no. I think you’ve done enough damage in that department.” Cherilyn folded her arms across her chest as she leaned back against the edge of the sink. “And I don’t know how I’m going to get Lara to quit yelling fucking.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s problematic, huh?” To Shaw’s delight, Candace’s face was turning bright pink. Good. He sure as hell felt like she should be embarrassed about her behavior. It was costing both him and Cherilyn time that they could spend together happily instead of doing damage control.

“Yes. It is. So thank you for apologizing. I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe a word of it until I see it in action.” Cherilyn was stepping up and defending herself and her kids, and Shaw was filled with pride. Had he given her that little bit of self-confidence? He’d like to think it had always been there and he’d just activated it.

“You’ll see. I promise. I just want you and Dad to be happy. And I want to belong.”

“Good. Thank you. Now, go make your bed and get ready for the day. Showers are going to be had, so get your clothes together.” When Candace didn’t move, Cherilyn said, “Scoot.”

---