Page 36 of Unclench Me Softly

you’d hate it

and be so turned on

ME:

i’m spiritually exhausted

i’m aroused in seven directions

i’m going to snack then start the next activity

CALLIE:

wear protection

i mean moonstone

for clarity

and for not accidentally sleeping with five men in a spiritual ceremony

ME:

there are no guarantees

Four Things You Should Never Do on a Full Moon (and Why)

A very serious warning from Bliss, who learned these things the hard way

Start a group text with your exes

—The moon sees your delusion. Mercury is probably watching. Don’t invite chaos in a crop top.

Perform a release ritual while wearing synthetic lace

—Fire safety matters. Your aura isn’t flame-retardant.

Emotionally text a man who hasn’t earned his root chakra access

—You deserve someone who’s done their inner cub work. Not Chad from accounting.

Trim your bangs

—It’s not transformation. It’s trauma with scissors.

Bliss-ism #108/b:

Sometimes healing means screaming into the void in downward dog. With intention.

Chapter Seven:

Unclench, Breathe, Scream

They’re spread out in a semi-circle on the sacred rage mats I bought off Etsy three years ago and blessed last night with lavender spray and an emergency prayer. I don’t know what I expected, maybe some mild stretching, a few cathartic groans, some deep exhalations followed by light weeping, but now that I’m standing in front of all five of them, shirtless or near-shirtless in various states of brooding, coiled masculine tension, I realize something very important:

I have made a mistake.

A sexy, sweaty, deeply unstable mistake.

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