Page 47 of Unclench Me Softly

In control of my emotions and my pelvic floor

Ready to lead five nearly feral, dangerously attractive men into the woods and not accidentally make one of them a pack alpha through prolonged eye contact

I take a deep breath and murmur a morning affirmation into the wild. “I am the guide. I am the alpha of emotional recalibration. I will not kiss anyone in the woods, no matter how vulnerable they look mid-crawl.”

“Hey!” Toad’s voice cuts through the mist like a kazoo at a funeral.

I blink, startled, and promptly drop my bead string into my coffee. “Seriously?” I groan at the cup, then shout over my shoulder, “Toad, I swear to the goddess if this is about the raccoon again.”

“Nope!” he calls. “You got a truck!”

I turn.

There is, in fact, a delivery truck crawling up the gravel path like it regrets all its life choices. Dust rises behind it. A logo I don’t recognize is printed on the side in big leafy letters:SPIRITGEAR EXPRESS.

I frown. “I didn’t order anything,” I mutter, rising to my feet, beads swinging in my hair like judgmental tassels.

Toad shrugs. “They said it’s for you. And five other recipients. Real mysterious-like.”

My stomach does a little flip. Which is probably fine. Probably. Could be breakfast panic.

I jog over just in time to see the delivery guy hop out and open the back, revealing six neatly labeled boxes with little wolf stickers on them.

Each one says:

“Bliss Calloway’s Rewilding Essentials – Participant Edition”

I stare. “Oh no.”

The driver grins. “You’re Bliss? I need a signature.”

I sign something that might be a release form or a pact with a forest deity, then grab the box marked“FEMME LEADER (One Size Fits Sacred)”and pry it open.

Inside is knee pads.

Really nice knee pads. Gel-cushioned, adjustable-strapped, eco-conscious, moss-colored, with tiny embroidered paw prints.

There’s a card taped to the inside flap, written in soft, looped handwriting.

Hi Bliss,

I figured crawling meditation might be a little more comfortable with these.

Didn’t want anyone’s knees to suffer on their path to primal rebirth.

Hope that’s okay.

Asher :)

P.S. Yours are a special order. Ethically sourced foam and the straps are lined with bamboo silk so they won’t chafe. Comfort is sacred, too.

I close the box. Open it again. Close it one more time, just to make sure I don’t accidentally cry onto the sacred foam.

Toad peers over my shoulder. “Fancy kneepads,” he says, nodding like this is normal.

“They’re for the crawling meditation,” I whisper.

Toad blinks. “You makin’ ‘em crawl today?”

---