Page 6 of Unclench Me Softly

like physically on the property with a motorcycle and a smirk and testosterone just pouring out of his eyebrows

CALLIE:

pls tell me this is the one with the court-ordered anger management

ME:

yes

and he showed up a full day early

revved his bike like he was trying to scare off my ancestors

i think my tree chakra is bruised

CALLIE:

hot tho?

ME:

disgustingly

like “i fight for custody and win” hot

like “my toxic phase has a cult following” hot

CALLIE:

ooooooh

give him the moon dome

ME:

he already found the bucket

and mocked my “receptivity ritual”

i hate him

(my uterus doesn’t)

CALLIE:

babe you’re gonna sleep with him

he’s going to ruin your spiritual credibility and your back

and you’re gonna say thank you

ME:

i came here to scam rich men with fake crystal science

not catch feelings for a sentient middle finger on a motorcycle

CALLIE:

---