Page 76 of Unclench Me Softly

No. No, no, no. This cannot stand.

I am the chaos conductor of this retreat.

If I don’t reassert spiritual authority now, by tomorrow they’ll be leading me through sacred shedding practices and inner child rage drumming.

I throw open my sacred supply drawer, toss aside two expired rose quartz sprays and a bag of ceremonial confetti, and find it.

The oil. It was a gift from Callie. Labeled in gold marker:

“For emergency divinations and seduction spells.”

It smells like frankincense, desperation, and a free sample from an overly aggressive metaphysical booth.

Perfect.

I grab a ceramic bowl, light a tealight under it for dramatic ambiance, toss in a sprig of rosemary for theatrics, and then I stand tall, arms raised, and declare aloud to no one, “We will now begin The Anointing of the Third Eye With Intention Oil™.”

Ten minutes later, they’re all in the dome.

Every single one.

Seated quietly on cushions, legs crossed, eyes closed, ready.

I didn’t even have to call them.

They came voluntarily.

Jax is smirking like he knows this is nonsense but is also kind of turned on.

Miles is seated in a perfect lotus, genuinely meditating.

Jonah’s brow is furrowed in suspicion, which is how I know he respects the ceremony.

Seb looks like he’s about to either transcend or punch the floor.

And Asher… oh, Asher is glowing. He’s clasping his hands like we’re about to do spiritual trust falls off an energetic cliff.

I step into the center.

They all look at me. Silent. Expectant.

My robe sways like a prophecy. I lift the bowl. “This ritual,” I intone, “Is a sacred practice. Of aligning your third eye. With your higher self. Through intentional forehead lubrication.”

Miles opens one eye. “Did you say lubrication?”

Jax mutters, “I heard it. I liked it.”

Jonah says nothing, but I feel judged in 4K.

I clear my throat. “This oil has been charged under several moons. It contains the essence of rosemary, cracked pepper, sensual deceit, and possibly expired coconut.”

Seb nods solemnly.

I dip my fingers in and approach Asher first.

He tilts his head back with pure devotion.

I touch the oil to his forehead.

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