Page 21 of Bear's Heart

Her eyes stung, and she blinked hard and leaned forward to pick up her purse.Couldn’t cry, wouldn’t cry.Stupid to cry over things she couldn’t change.

Bear was the past.Noah was the present, and Noah was a good man.He tried hard to make her happy.That had to count for something.

Dr.Matthew’s stool squeaked as he stood up, iPad under his arm.“We’ll see you next month then.The front desk will get you on the schedule.”He was heading to the door, reaching for the knob.

Tell him, tell him, tell him…

You don’t want the baby.You need an abortion.Tell him…

Savannah cleared her throat.The doctor glanced at her.She hesitated, wishing she didn’t care what people thought of her.Wishing she didn’t care what she thought of herself.

Dr.Matthews waited, giving her a moment.

She had dreams, big dreams.There were things she wanted, places she wanted to go…

“Everything okay?”the doctor prompted, his hand still on the knob.

She nodded, slowly.“Yes.”

But she sounded nervous, uncertain.

The doctor frowned and, pushing up his glasses, he turned away from the door to focus on her.“You’re sure?”he said.

Tell him.

Tell him.

“Dr.Matthews,” she started, then stopped, her throat dry, her mouth like cotton.“I… I… haven’t told him.”She reached up to push long honey hair from her face, tucking it back behind an ear.“The dad.He doesn’t know.”She frowned, struggling to find the words.“I don’t… know.”

The doctor’s forehead creased.“You don’t know how to tell him?”

She struggled to swallow.Her mouth was so dry.She licked her lips.Hated herself, hated what a coward she was.

“Yes,” she said, grasping at straws, unable to say what she wanted to say.That she couldn’t do this, couldn’t have this baby, and yet at the same time, she couldn’t bear to think about the life she’d be snuffing out.

*

The doctor’s expressiongentled.“Creating life is a beautiful thing.I am sure your boyfriend will be thrilled.He might need a minute, but with time, he’ll be just as happy as you are.”

She nodded, glad she hadn’t told him the truth, glad she didn’t have to witness the disappointment in his eyes.He was a doctor of life, not death.

“You’ll be fourteen weeks next week,” he said.

She nodded.

“You’re not showing much yet, but you will be soon.My suggestion is to talk to your partner today.Go out to dinner.Make it a celebration.If he’s the kind of man I think he is, he’ll be pleased.”

Leaving the medical office, Savannah walked slowly to her car, sliding on her sunglasses to shade her eyes from the intense Tennessee sun.

She’d vowed she’d never do this again, go through this again.And yet here she was.Pregnant.Again.

There was no room for a baby in her life.Not now, not when she was beginning to have doors open and opportunities present themselves.

But to end another pregnancy?

Her parents would die if they knew.Fortunately, they’d never know.They weren’t close, and she hadn’t talked to them about anything real or important in years.Probably not since Bear’s accident.

She hadn’t told Bear about their baby, either.At least, not initially.

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