Page 71 of Bear's Heart

Rye just waited.Now that he was here, he had all the time in the world.

Jennifer smiled nervously, her hands clenching together on the edge of the table.“All of my kids are special, and they all have unique attributes, but Josie is different.She’s such a love.She has been my cuddle bug since she was just a little girl.But not just with me, with the entire family.She was the first to wake up and give hugs.She was the one who’d sneak into your room at night and give you one last kiss.She’d do everything in her power to make people happy, to make us, her family, happy.When John would be drinking and impossible, Josie would still go to him and try to talk sense into him, trying to divert his attention from whatever was making him angry.”

Bear’s chest ached, and he hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he had to exhale.“Did your husband take it out on you?”

“He was never rough physically.It was his moods more than anything.He got in a very dark place and there wasn’t much I could do until he sobered up.”She looked away, cheeks pink, her mouth quivering slightly.“Josie sometimes forgets to protect herself.John never hit her—or any of us—but he certainly wasn’t always kind.”

Bear didn’t think he’d ever like Josie’s dad now.

“You know, Josie only moved out a year ago.Until then, she’s always been with us.”

And still Bear bit his tongue.What was the point of this?Where was she going?

“It’s good for Josie to be out of our house and finding herself.Every young person needs that time to discover who they really are, which is why I don’t want Josie to jump into anything too fast.I don’t want her to lead with her heart, but that’s what she does.It’s what I used to do.I was a lot like Josie, and I thought love was magic, love would conquer everything.But it doesn’t work that way.A successful relationship requires more than love and I just want her to have time.I want her to gain more experience.I want her to have some adventures and to focus on herself.I want her to not be me, and rush into forever, before you really know what you’re doing.”

“You’re afraid that I’m rushing Josie into a commitment.”

Jennifer shook her head.“No.My fear is that Josie is rushing herself into a commitment.”She looked at Bear, brow creased, her lavender blue eyes revealing her anxiety.“I hate putting you in this position, but I didn’t know what else to do, and I don’t want her to do what I did.Because when you’re young, you just don’t know how long life can be, and how much crap it can throw at you.”She paused and waited, as if needing confirmation.

He nodded, once.It was that or nothing.He couldn’t bring himself to speak, not then.

“Bear, she clearly cares for you a great deal, and I can see why she does.You’re handsome and strong and inspiring, and she only sees the beautiful things, she doesn’t realize what it could be like…”

Her voice faded.She didn’t finish the thought.But Bear understood what she wanted to say but wouldn’t let herself.

“You are afraid that with me being injured, it will be hard on her,” Bear said.“You’re afraid she won’t have the life you want for her.”

Jennifer clenched the table’s edge.“You must see this isn’t about you.This is about me, and my experiences, and how I struggled over the years with having been dealt a challenging hand.”

“I’m not judging you.”

“It was so difficult when Jasper was born, so difficult to get him stable, so difficult to keep him alive.It felt like we spent half of our life at the hospital, praying that our sweet boy would survive the night.But at least I had John at my side.But then when John fell and broke his back, I lost him… we were no longer equals, I became his caregiver, too.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“We’d all depended on him, but after he was hurt, he withdrew, struggling with depression and anger.I thought the depression would be temporary, but they became part of him.His personality changed.I didn’t blame him then, because how do you reconcile your world changing in the blink of an eye?John was a proud man and tough.Athletic.He wanted to be the John who wasn’t hurt.He wanted to be the man he’d been before his fall.”

“I can relate.”

Tears filled her eyes and she struggled to hold his gaze.“I’m sure you can.”Her voice dropped to a mere whisper.“Which is why this is so hard for me.”

Bear reached across the table and took her hand.“It’s okay,” he said, feeling how she trembled.“Everything is fine.Don’t be afraid.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You can’t,” he said gently, kindly.“You won’t.”

Jennifer blinked and a tear fell.Impatiently, she brushed it away reminding him all over again of Josie.“Our move to Park County last year changed things for all of us.John is doing better.Jasper is healthier and happier and wanting to start college.The girls are both finishing their education.Rye is married to wonderful Ansley.Things are good.They should be good.But one thing hasn’t changed.”

Bear’s chest felt bruised.Each breath hurt.“You’re still the caregiver,” he said.“And you will always be the caregiver.”

She nodded.“I’m not complaining, but it is the reality I live with.There have been times where I wanted to run away, but of course I didn’t.I couldn’t.Jasper…” She swallowed hard and put a hand across her eyes, struggling to put her intense feelings into words.“But you see, you see why I’m protective of Josie.You see why I want you—Ineedyou—to be careful with her.”Another tear fell.“And not encourage her.She is lovely, and she has the heart of an angel.She never thinks of herself, so her family—those of us who love her—have to do that for her.We have to remind her that she’s important, and her dreams are important, and those dreams should be protected.Even if she doesn’t yet know what those dreams are.”

*

They left theLivingston coffee shop without either of them touching their drinks.Bear walked Jennifer to her car and waited for her to drive away before heading to his truck.

Once inside his truck, he sat motionless for a long time.Jennifer had said so much.It had been a torrent of words, of fear, of pain.It was a lot to take in, almost too much for Bear to process.

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