Page 14 of My Secret to Protect

‘Who got that for you, Bo?’ I ask, my voice pitched even though I try to keep it steady.

‘I don’t know. Cara found it on the porch, but they didn’t put their name on it.’

I feel sick. I want that doll away from my girl. I know it was him. I fucking know it was.

‘I need to get some air,’ I say, standing, feeling Zoe’s eyes on me the whole time, but I know she won’t abandon Bowie, so I have some time.

On the front porch, I pull out my cell phone.

Me:My family isn’t part of your little game, Nolan. Tell me what you want and stay the fuck away from them.

I see that the message is read, but there’s no response and I know why. He won’t incriminate himself. My response will come but on his terms.

I’m surprised when my cell vibrates in my hand before even a minute has passed.

Nolan:Breanne, this isn’t healthy. You need to talk to somebody. Please tell Bowie I said happy birthday x

My stomach churns as I stare down at his words, and I run down from the porch around the side of the house, then throw up, unable to control my body’s reaction to the fear that I feel. He knows all about my life, my family, where they live, what my niece wanted for her birthday, and when that was. I can’t escape him, and the reality of that makes me heave once more as my stomach empties for a second time, and I drop to the floor. I feel helpless, and I hate it.

Today,Igettosee my entire family in one place—everyone, even my grandma and Cara’s dad, Andy. We’re all heading up to Cara and Doug’s place to celebrate Lottie, Lucas, and Missy’s pregnancy news, and I want to be excited, I really do, but I’m living in hell.

Missy offered to pick me up and drive me to Doug’s, and I gratefully accepted before packing a bag with a few days’ worth of clothes and toiletries. I can’t stay here. I need a few days surrounded by family, at Doug and Cara’s, or Zoe and Leo’s, Mama’s even. I don’t give a fuck, and I don’t care what questions they might have about why I want to stay somewhere so close to my own home. I just need a break.

Every day for the past week, Nolan has texted me something personal, something about the clothes I’m wearing or the way I did my hair. Yesterday, it was about the fact that I changed my perfume, which means he got close enough to me to smell it, and I didn’t notice him there. My instincts are off, and without them, I don’t know what else I have.

‘Hey, honey.’ Missy grins as she meets me at my door after knocking, and I offer a small smile.

‘You didn’t need to get out of the car.’

‘I did. Nick refuses to honk his horn in town.’ She rolls her eyes, but I just grin as I pull my door closed behind me and lock it.

Nick is a good man. He always has been, and I have known him since we were kids. I lost my virginity to his brother, and we have a lifetime of memories between us, so his not wanting to disturb my neighbors on a Sunday lunchtime does not surprise me at all. He’s always been thoughtful and caring. I guess that’s why he became a vet.

‘Chief.’ Nick smiles at me through the driver-side window as I reach the car.

‘Doc,’ I grin as I climb into the back. ‘Buddy,’ I say enthusiastically when my little Jonah holds up his hand to start our secret handshake, and I bring mine in immediately.

‘I missed you, Bree,’ Jonah says sweetly, and guilt hits me as I have been so distant.

‘I know, kiddo, me too. But I’m here now.’

I ruffle his hair, and he giggles, then smooths it back down, and Nick pulls his car away from my house.

Cara and Doug’s house buzzes with love and happiness as the family moves around talking, hugging, cradling babies, and laughing at the confusing jokes Bowie and Jonah think up. It’s perfect, and I’m happy to see them all, but I can’t breathe. I’m exhausted, and panic sits low in my stomach, threatening to bubble up and over at the idea that I’ve led him to them, to all of them, to the babies, to all the people I love most in the world. I don’t know what he’s capable of, but I know he’s watching me, and I still came. I came, knowing that I could have left a breadcrumb trail all the way here.

Stepping out onto the back porch, I make my way down the huge backyard to the swing Doug built for Bowie last year, and I sit far enough away that the sounds of joy from the house disappear, and only the birdsong can be heard. I swing slowly, gently, and close my eyes, forcing out tears I hadn’t realized had collected there.

‘Well, I was going to ask if you were okay, but now I see that you’re not.’ The no-nonsense tone of my grandma has me gasping in surprise and my eyes snapping open. ‘Why are you sitting back here crying, Breanne?’

‘Oh, Grandma.’ I swipe at my cheeks to wipe my tears. ‘I’m fine. I’m okay.’

‘See, if you hadn’t walked out of the house with tears in your eyes and without a word to anyone, I might have believed you, but you forget, I know you, and I have eyes in the back of my head. Now talk.’

A sob lurches from my throat, and I bring my hands up to cover my face as I cry.

‘I’m so tired.’ I speak from behind my hands and feel her hands on my arms, pulling me up to standing and into a hug.

‘Sweetie, talk to me.’

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