Page 47 of My Secret to Protect

Inside, I turn the lock, waiting for the porch light outside to click off, telling me he walked away before I pull the burner phone out of the side table drawer and open a message to him.

Me: Arlo, what the hell just happened?

My thumb hovers over the send button as I contemplate the reality of having this conversation and laying it out there with him and what it means. What do I want from this? I loved him once upon a time, but he broke my heart, and now he’s my knight in denim and leather, myfakeboyfriend, as he continues to remind me, butthatkiss.

‘Fuck it.’ I click send and wait, leaning against the side table until a reply vibrates the cell phone in my hand.

Arlo: You want to elaborate?

Taking a deep breath, I blow it out as I type and send.

Me: Don’t play dumb, Arlo. That kiss… That was not what I was expecting from this.

It takes a minute for the response to come through, and when it does, heat rushes over my skin as my heart rate picks up.

Arlo: It was just a kiss, Bree. Don’t read anything more into it.

And then…

Arlo: This thing between us isn’t real, not anymore. The kiss was just part of the job, sugar. Now, get some sleep.

It hurts. Tears threaten to fall as I stare at the words on the screen. My mind and my heart are at war with each other, but both of them are beyond tired. I’m exhausted. I’m stressed out. My emotions are all over the place, and I’m still living in fear of Nolan’s next move. Tonight was a step up, kissing Arlo at the bar and on my porch, and I know he will have been watching, which means tonight could be the night he makes his move. A sob bursts out of me, and my anger and maybe my pre-menstrual hormones type out my response.

Me: You’re a jerk, you know that? You might want to tell your dick it wasn’t real, seemed like he thought it was!

Petty. That was petty.

Arlo: You thinking about my dick, short stuff? Don’t you worry about him. He got hard while kissing a beautiful woman he used to be pretty well acquainted with. I’d be worried if he didn’t get excited! Don’t lose sight of what we’re trying to do here, Bree. I’ll see you tomorrow.

I don’t respond. I stare at the phone for a moment before wiping my cheeks and shaking my head, annoyed at myself, until a vibration on my usual cell makes my heart sink. Opening the message. I swallow hard. It’s a photo of Arlo and me kissing on my porch tonight, with a target on his head, and it makes my heart race.

He’s angry, and he wants to make sure I know it.

I Wanted It All With Her

Arlo

Fuck.

Fuckme.

I fucked up. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking kissing her likethat.

Who am I kidding? I couldn’t kiss Bree any other way. It was always like that with us, like we each needed the other one to breathe. I didn’t think it would still feel so goddam intense.

‘Don’t you look at me that way.’ Beans’ big eyes bore into me from his position on the sofa next to me. ‘Quit it.’ I shake my head and raise my glass of water to my lips. ‘Okay, I know I was a jerk,’ I shake my head again, ‘I don’t want to be.’

I really don’t. Everything in me is pulling toward her, but then I remember the past, and I push hard. Not to giveherthe message, to remind myself that no matter how much I want her, no matter how much I think about her, which is all the goddam time, I need to stay away. Get the job done and get out, despite how much it’s killing me.

Not going inside her house and kissing the hell out of her there, on her sofa, her bed, Jesus,fuck,that’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and my dick hates me for it, but as we walked back from the bar, I felt it, the eyes on us, and I remembered why I’m here. Not only that. I remembered who she is and what she did.

Back then, when I saw her standing there, watching me get arrested, it all fell into place. I made the mistake of telling her about the job that was going to buy me my way out of the club, and she didn’t want me to do it. She begged me not to do it, said she would do anything to stop me, give me anything. I didn’t think she meantshewould put me behind bars.

She’s lucky that all I did was cut her off. One mention of her name to the club and that Campbell protection wouldn’t have meant shit. I kept her safe, kept her name out of my mouth, and insisted I had no idea who called the cops, but I knew it was her. I know she’s the reason the club lost a shit ton of money and gained a whole heap of trouble, and I lost the rest of my twenties to a prison cell.

Beans moves his head to my lap, and I raise up my hand to stroke his ear.

‘I loved her, Beans. I wanted it all with her, and she fucking…’ I grit my teeth. Let it go, Arlo. It was a lifetime ago.

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