Page 5 of My Secret to Protect

Bree

‘Areyousureyou’reokay walking?’ I ask Cara, who waddles slowly alongside me with Missy on the other side of her as we head towards the café where we arranged to meet Zoe and Lucas, and she nods, smiling at my asking the questionagain. I don’t mean to fuss, but my brother is a big guy, and judging by the size of her belly, my new niece takes after her daddy.

‘Bree, I’m fine. I would like this baby to get a bloody move on, and walking will help bring her down.’

I chew my lip. The baby is duenow. Cara’s actual due date was yesterday, but she and Doug have tried not to focus on that. She wants a natural birth, at home if she can get away with it, so she’s hired a midwife from out of town and put her up in one of her guest rooms for a couple of weeks. I’m a nervous wreck, and Doug is constantly walking around like he’s about to pass out. He supports her, but he also wants her in a hospital where he can be certain she’s safe.Women have been birthing babies since the dawn of time,is all she keeps saying, and he doesn’t argue, even though I know he wants to.

When Zoe started having contractions, she ignored them for a while. She sat in our grandma’s old rocking chair in the nursery she and Leo lovingly put together, listened to music, and rocked back and forth while she spoke to her belly softly as Leo buzzed around the house, calling all of us and generally panicking. She had plenty of time, though. She was in labor for an entire day before my beautiful nephew graced us with his presence, and I adore him.

I was there, in the room, when the little dark-haired angel came calmly and quietly into the world. There was no screaming, not really. Zoe was a fucking goddess and used the hypnobirthing techniques for breathing that Cara introduced her to, and they both spent months practicing, and it was beautiful. The room was dimly lit, and Leo kissed her head and spoke soft words of love and encouragement while Mama and I stood nearby, taking it all in, and then he was there, in her arms, the most beautiful, tiny cry letting us know he was definitely a Campbell.

It was amazing, and some fucking how, that I couldn’t figure out since she was already my best friend, it all just made Zoe’s and my bond even stronger. I’m honored I got to share that experience with them. I’m so proud I got to witness what she did that day, and now the best part is I get to watch her be a mom… at least, I get to arrange coffee dates and girls’ nights and way too regular video calls.

She may be less than an hour away, but not having my twin in Forest Falls is still weird even after all this time, even after she spent eight months in California, even after she married Leo, bought a house, and grew a baby. I still miss having her on my doorstep, and in a way, as stupid as it sounds, I miss her being single with me. She has a family of her own now. Cara has Doug and Bowie, and the baby will be here any minute. Missy has Jonah and Nick and a ring on her finger, which I’m certain means there’ll be another small human entering our little circle before long. I can’t just show up on their doorsteps anymore. I’m the single one, the one without kids. I don’t even have a pet. My job is my only real responsibility right now.

While they’re moving forward, they’re confiding in their guys, I’m staring at my four walls with my thoughts circling around in my head. It’s lonely.

‘Twinnie,’ Zoe’s excited call snaps me out of my pity party and has me running ahead to hug her hard before leaning over the stroller to coo and obsess over the sleeping little dark-haired baby boy I adore.

‘Oh, honey,’ Zoe says to Cara as she approaches. ‘Two days, best guess. You look so ready.’

Cara sighs hopefully as the three mothers greet each other and sit, starting to talk labor, delivery, sore nipples, and stitches, and I zone out, unable to contribute anything. Instead, I reach into the stroller to stroke my finger against Lucas’s soft cheek.

I love these women, and I love their kids, but I can’t fight the feeling of emptiness at hearing them all so happy and in love. I may not want exactly what they have. The baby bumps and squishy munchkins do not make my ovaries tingle, butlove? I wantthat.

I want to go home from these meetups to someone waiting for me. Someone who says,Hey honey, how are the girls?Someone who gets on well with Doug, Leo, and Nick. A man who can be there when we have nights out at the bar so I don’t just have to sit and watch the drinks and purses while the rest of them dance. I don’t want to be alone anymore. An empty house has lost its appeal, an empty bed even more so.

‘Bree.’ My name has me turning to find them all smiling up at me.

‘Um…’

Zoe smiles. ‘I asked how dating is going.’

‘Oh, not great.’ I shrug and move to sit at the table. ‘I’m just not finding that spark with anyone.’

‘Hmm,’ Missy presses her lips together, and I tilt my head as I turn to look at her. We each have our own little dynamics in our group. Zoe and I are twins and best friends for life. Cara and Zoe are on this love and baby journey together, and with Doug and Leo being so close, they naturally make up a perfect foursome some of the time. Missy and Cara are super close and sort of related. Zoe and Missy aren’t as close outside of the coven, but within it, we’re all besties, and Cara and I are sort of the same. We’re close. I love her, but aside from Zoe, it’s Missy I’m closest to. We spent a lot of time together when we were the two single ones out of the four of us, and I got to know her eye rolls and smirks pretty well.

‘Say it.’ I glare at her, and she shrugs.

‘No, it’s nothing.’

‘Miss, you have something to say, and you’re not known for biting your tongue, so say it.’

‘It’s just, I don’t know if maybe your expectations are just a little high.’

My eyes widen, and for a moment, I’m silent as I process what she said. ‘My expectations are a little high?’ I ask quietly.

‘Maybe she has a point,’ Cara adds softly, and I turn to look at her now. ‘You always seem to find something wrong with the men you date, and they don’t really get much of a chance.’

‘They’re right, twinnie,’ Zoe says, standing to look in on Lucas before sitting back down. ‘You’re a one-date wonder.’

‘Wait, all of you think my expectations are too high?’ I snap and see them all shrink back. ‘So, all of you, who tell me daily how wonderful and perfect your men are, think I should settle for less than that?’

‘That’s not…’

‘What, because I’m getting too old to find that, I’m taking too long? I work too much to find a man who wants to be all of that to me?’

‘Twinnie…’

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