Page 45 of Logan

No one would look at me with the same kind of pure love that Jason and Patrick shared.

Physical attraction?

Sure. I was practically the master of that. Especially now that I was living in better conditions, eating regularly, and could afford all the hygiene products I wanted. My looks were more stunning than ever. I had no shame admitting that much.

But that beauty was surface deep. Underneath the outer layer, I was still an ugly, broken thing, and although I was healing, some scars would never go away.

I’d lost the opportunity to be marriage material.

Another paperclip bounced off my forehead, hitting me right between the eyes.

“Hey.” I rubbed my forehead and scowled at Jason. “What was that for?”

“For thinking too much,” Jason said, before throwing another paperclip, which I snatched out of the air before it could land. “I can practically see your brain spinning from here, and that usually means you’re criticizing yourself. So, stop it.”

I pouted and scooped up the paperclips that now littered my desk. At first, I meant to store them in the desk drawer, but one of them had accidentally magnetized to the kinetic statue on the desk and stuck straight out like a cactus spike. One by one, I added the other paperclips as well, turning the entire sculpture thorny.

“I’m not criticizing myself,” I said as I decided where to place the next paperclip. “I’m just... evaluating my options. Even if I did want to start dating, there aren’t many opportunities for me, so what’s the point?”

Jason tossed me more paperclips, no longer throwing them at me as punishment, but instead helping to fuel my artistic endeavors. “The point is practice. Just like with reading, you need to start small and work your way up, so you learn how to be in a relationship. You don’t need to date someone and immediately want to marry someone.”

Over the last year, my reading had gotten better. I’d progressed from a middle-grade level to a high school level. That was still behind where I should be, but it was progress.

Nearly the entire sculpture was now covered in paperclips, making it look like it was covered in metallic fur. If I sent the structure spinning now, the paperclips would be thrown around the room like confetti.

“You married the first person you dated.”

“But I didn’t know I was going to marry Patrick when I first met him. I just got lucky.”

I snorted, blowing my blond bangs out of my face. My hair was long enough to tie back now, so long as I made the world’s smallest ponytail, but I usually let it hang free.

“Luck has never been on my side.”

I didn’t have to look to know that Jason was scowling at me from across the room.

“That’s not the point. I’m saying you don’t have to think about it so hard. Date, or don’t date. It’s up to you. But don’t shy away from it just because you don’t know what you want yet. The point isn’t to know what you’re looking for. The point is to look.”

I hovered my hand over the kinetic statue, inches away from sending the whole thing spinning and making a mess. It would be satisfying to watch the chaos unfold as paperclips went flying everywhere.

But then I’d have to spend the next hour crawling around on the floor picking everything up. The momentary joy I’d get wasn’t worth the amount of work it would cost me later.

I returned my hand to my desk, and then rested my head on my crossed arms. On the other side of the room, Jason returned to his paperwork. I watched him, mentally prodding at my sense of guilt the same way one would rub at a bruise to feel the ache. I should be doing my job and helping with the business. Not sitting here moping about the tragedy of my dating life.

Without meaning to, I dozed off. I only worked a few hours at a time, so my nap ended up consuming my entire workday.

When pay for that workday ended up in my bank account anyway, I tried to insist Jason take it back, but he refused, and I eventually gave up.

What I’d come to learn in the last year was that my brother was usually right, and this time was no different.

CHAPTER 19

Clay

It had startedto rain again. The dry weather couldn’t hold out forever, and when the rains returned, they came back with a vengeance as if making up for lost time. Like a silver curtain covering the world, I couldn’t see more than a few feet beyond the awning where I was taking cover.

What in the world had possessed me to agree to this?

Jason’s words about dating and practice had stuck in my head, and before I knew it, I had agreed to go on a date with Kenneth.

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