Page 94 of Better Left Unsaid

“Hey!” I called. “It wasn’t their secret to tell.”

“Ohmigod! The Hamptons,” Perla said, realization hitting her hard, like a baseball to the face. “Dom didn’t forget where his room was. He was looking foryourroom.”

I cringed. “Yeah, I heard about that. Sorry.”

I looked at my watch. “Okay, listen, Isabella’s only going to be out for another hour or so. I can’t imagine it taking her and Dad longer than that to get ice cream.” I paused before stating my request for a second time. “So can we focus, please?”

Perla nodded. “Sure. What exactly do you want from us, though?” She crossed her arms and waited.

“Help me!” I all but shrieked.

Allie’s eyebrows furrowed. “How? It’s not like you’ve ever listened to us before, so why would you care what we have to say now?”

I waved her off. “Oh, come off it, Allie. We all know you’ve been rooting for me and Dom since day one, so just help me figure my shit out. Do I frigging love him or what?”

At that, I looked at four sets of eyeballs just staring at me, their expressions completely non-expressive. Weren’t they listening to anything I said before when I explained what had been going on and my current predicament? Didn’t they hear me when I said that I was confused? That I really had no clue what any of the things I had been feeling lately meant? Dom was going to leave for Italy. It wasn’t like he was just going to the grocery store. He was heading out of the frigging country. If ever there was a time that I needed clarity, it was now.

I looked between my sisters before Bianca finally said, “Sorry, babe. I don’t think any of us are going to be able to help you. If you don’t know what you’re feeling, we certainly aren’t going to be able to tell you.”

The rest of them shook their head in agreement, and I had a hell of a time believing that. They were grade-A meddlers, especially Allie. Surely, one of them had something to say on the topic. “Please,” I pleaded. “What’s wrong with me? Why am I struggling with believing he loves me? And why don’t I know what I feel?”

I waited for any one of them to say anything.

And I waited.

And waited some more.

I finally sank down on the couch, and Perla came to stand beside me, lifting my hand from my lap and holding it in her own. She cleared her throat before speaking. “There’s one answer to all your questions. And it’s easy, but you’re not going to like it.”

“What is it?”

She looked to our sisters, and Allie bit her lip before supplying, “You have trust issues.”

I ran my hand through my hair, pulling out the loose strands while I considered her words. Trust issues? They all thought that? And what did that mean exactly? “I trust Dom,” I pointed out plainly.

Bianca clacked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and angled her head. “Sure, but not really. You haven’t really ever trusted. Just look at your track record.” She raised a brow. “You also don’t let people in. You keep everyone at arm’s length.”

“Hey,” I defended, “not you guys.”

Jade cleared her throat. “Not them, but you did with me at first. I think they’re right. If you remember, you didn’t really trust me, and even when you started to let me in, there was always something holding you back. I thought it was just with me, but they’re onto something here. I think it’s in your nature.”

Great, so I was a bitch. The trouble was if I was really being honest, trust didn’t come easy to me. Maybe I did have that way about myself where I held people off, shut them out.

I’d never given it any thought. Especially in the context of Dom. I’d have thought that out of everyone who came into my life, Dom was the one person I wasn’t that way with. But maybe that was wrong.

Then again, how could it be wrong?

He was the same man I’d suggested the friends-with-benefits thing to, the same man I’d told about my then-inability to orgasm. That alone, I thought, showed just how much I trusted him. I’d let go with him in the most incredible way possible, something I’d never been able to do with anyone else. And, sure, it had taken some time (read: a lot of time), but it had finally happened.

In my mind, I had attributed it to Dom, but maybe it had been because of me. Because on some level I did trust Dom. Maybe they were right, and I didn’t trust easily, but I did trust Dom. It was inherent. It was natural, so natural it was like breathing. I just hadn’t ever realized it before.

All this time I’d thought that any feelings I was having were the result of those stupid orgasms, but maybe it was more than that. Maybe they were just feelings, period. Real and raw. Entirely for Dom. Not a lust-filled haze, but honest to God feelings for the greatest man I’d ever known. The most handsome. The kindest and sweetest. The most family-oriented. The man who loved my daughter as if she was his own. The man who accepted me for who I was, all my sides, good and bad. The man who loved me.

The man who I loved.

Shit.

I loved Dom.

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