Page 63 of Until the Stars Fall

Zola grabbed Hannah’s arm, turning to catch it in the dim emergency lights. “Your scar is completely gone. Gemma, that’s amazing. Is it healed all the way through?”

I nodded, biting my lip. Studying my sister’s face and waiting for her to hate me.

“I don’t understand,” Hannah said, her voice awed as she ran her finger over where her scar used to be. “I thought your magic left after Mom and Dad died.”

“I never lost it. I’m so sorry I lied. I just tried to stop using it.”

Her mouth was open, her brows lowered as she stretched and tested out her arm. “Why?” she asked softly.

My eyes filled again with tears. “Because—” She looked at me with such trust. I couldn’t run from this anymore. “My magic caused the accident.” I didn’t have to tell her which accident. “My magic is cursed, and I’ve been too scared that I’d hurt you or Noah or somebody else if I used it.”

Her eyes welled up. “How could you think you were responsible? The guy who hit them was drunk, the light at Veterans and Clearview was out, and—” A tear streamed down her face. “You remember how it was raining that night.”

I pushed past the lump in my throat. “I know, but I was so angry at them. They never thought I could do anything right, and magic was the first thing that was mine, you know? But what you don’t know is what I said,” I sobbed. “In my room. I screamed that I wished they wouldn’t come home at all.”

She nodded, tears stealing down her face. “I know. I heard you.”

I took a breath, searched her face. “What?”

“Yeah. And when they didn’t come home, gods, I felt so bad for you. That things ended that way between you. But I never once blamed you.” She tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “You know magic doesn’t work that way, right?”

“That’s what Beck said, but—”

“You confided in Beck, but you didn’t tell me?” Realization crossed her features. “Is that what y’all argued about?”

My face crumpled. “He thinks we’re fated to be together. He wants to marry a witch, and that can’t be me. I’m—” I put my head down, unwilling to look at either of them as I confessed my final sin. “There’s a woman on Gaia. I’m paying her to take my magic away.”

“Gemma, no! Why would you do that?” Hannah gripped my hands and tried to get me to look at her.

Zola huffed. “Only one witch I know of would ever attempt such a thing. Please tell me you’re not meeting with ‘Madam Indigo.’” She said her name with more contempt than I’d ever heard from Zola about anything.

“You’ve heard of her?”

“Heard of her? For starters, her real name is Brenda McPhee. That ‘Madam Indigo’ bullcrap is what she calls herself to sound impressive and mysterious. She’s an untalented hack who got kicked out of three different witching communities for her practices.

“Gemma, she’s not always successful taking magic away, you know, and it’s supposed to be painful, and irreversible when it does work. She’s messing around in your bone marrow. Do you know how many disorders could result? Leukemias, myelofibrosis, aplastic anemia...” She counted them on her long fingers, her ring flashing in the dim light. “You don’t need me to go on, do you?”

Hannah started in. “You’re way too smart to be so dumb. Your magic’s part of you. It’d be unnatural to take it away, and oh my gods, the way you can heal people? Like wow?” She ran her finger over where her scar used to be.

But I was too good at throwing fences up in front of myself to let them remove any now. Give me a clear field, and I’d still find a hundred barriers in my way, even if I had to make them myself.

“But if it wasn’t for me, Mom and Dad would be alive, Hannah. Don’t you understand? At its best, I don’t deserve it, and at its worst, it’s dangerous. It’s what busted that window out the first day in flight. It wrecked that spell today. If I get some kind of disorder from having it removed, it’s what I deserve.”

Hannah used her sleeve to wipe my tears. “Gemma, you didn’t cause Mom and Dad’s death. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

I’d never imagined that anything would be alright again if I’d unburdened my guilt. I’d imagined telling Hannah and Noah in a hundred different ways, each ending more horribly than the last. So to be faced with her compassionate disbelief? I was completely at a loss for words.

Zola took my hands in hers, her gaze solemn. “Gemma, when I tell you that I have nearly thirty years’ experience with witchcraft, it’s because even before my own magic came in, I learned about it through my family. And in my professional witch’s opinion, I call bullcrap. You couldn’t have had any effect on what happened to your parents. Not only are there no stains on your aura, but Hannah told me about the magic you used to do. And yes, I know all about poor what’s-his-name’s full body rash, which, incidentally, it sounds like he had coming.”

Hannah nodded. “It takes an extraordinarily dark soul a lot of time and effort—and usually wicked, otherworldly help—to directly harm someone. Misfortunes, sure. Broken toes, absolutely. Possession, for sure, if you’re sick as fuck and have a willing poltergeist.”

I looked up at her, horrified.

“See?” Zola continued. “The look on your face right now tells me where your heart is. A simple statement, spoken in anger, those are just angry words. The worst you could have done was hurt their feelings.”

“Yeah, Gem,” Hannah said. “The only power a wish has is that it echoes back onto the wishmaker. The whole ‘I’m rubber, you’re glue’ concept. Beck’s mom calls it wishcraft. Anything you wish on somebody else is gonna bounce right off of them and come back to you, but not because it’s magic. Because it’s human nature.” She frowned and hugged me tight. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry you’ve carried this for so long. You should’ve told us!”

I hugged her back, hard. My thoughts were still jumbled, but a lightness sailed through my limbs like the sun peeking momentarily out of dark clouds.

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