Page 58 of No Reason to Trust

“That’s nothing to be ashamed about, Livvy. It’s something to be celebrated. You’re nothing like your mother. You know what she did was reckless and foolish and dangerous. You’re none of those things. Your feet are solidly on the ground, and your head is squarely on your shoulders. But you’ve got a blind spot in your vision so big that you could drive a truck through it. Would it be so awful to give Jake a chance?”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Livvy whispered. “I’d be devastated, and so would he.”

“Then make sure itdoeswork.Talkto him. Find out what he wants. What’s important to him. What matters to him. And tell him the same things about yourself.”

She put her hand over Livvy’s. “If you don’t take a few chances, you’re gonna have a very boring, cold and lonely life.” One side of Mel’s mouth curled up. “Most likely pretty unhappy, too.”

“I’ve never taken a chance in my personal life,” Livvy finally said. “Not sure I even know how to do that.”

“It’s not easy,” Mel said. “But the rewards are worth the risks.” Mel leaned back and smiled at Livvy. “So are you going to be on a plane to Washington tomorrow?”

Livvy took a deep breath. If she said yes, she’d be committed to it. Mel wouldn’t let her back down. Finally she blew out the breath. “Yeah. I’ll go to Washington tomorrow.” She swallowed. “I have five more days of leave, but I may need to take a few vacation days as well.”

“You take whatever you need, Liv. Just fix things with Jake. Figure out how you’re gonna work out your jobs.”

Livvy swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump that had taken up residence in her throat when she’d driven away from Jake. “Thank you, Mel, for kicking my ass. I’m gonna go back to my apartment and make arrangements to fly to D.C. as soon as possible.” She frowned. “Jake may not want to see me,” she said. “But I’m going to stick around and change his mind.”

Mel leaned against the back of the booth, and her smile lit up the room. “You go, Liv. And don’t take no for an answer.”

Livvy left ten dollars on the table and scooped up her things. “Thanks, Mel. I needed my ass kicked, and you did a great job. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m available for ass kickings any time.” She slid out of the booth and hugged Livvy. “Your job will still be here when you get back. Good luck, Livvy. And I’ll look forward to hearing the story.”

Livvy felt her face turn red. “Parts of it, anyway. I hope there are other parts that I can’t share.”

“God, I hope there are,” Mel said with a grin. “Now go book that flight to D.C.”

Chapter 22

Livvy sat in her room, her phone clutched in her hand and her breath coming in short, ragged gasps.This was Jake, she told herself. The man who’d taken a huge chance and told Liv he loved her. He wouldn’t have gotten over her in less than a week. Wouldn’t have put her out of his mind and moved on with someone else. Jake wasn’t the kind of guy to move on so quickly.

What he was probably doing was working twenty hours a day, then falling into bed. Using his job to keep the ghosts away. She wondered if it was working for him. Because filling every hour of every day with activities wasn’t doing it for her.

She stared at her phone, wondering if she should call him to let him know she was coming to D.C. After thinking about it for way too long, she decided not to call. Too easy for him to tell her, ‘Don’t come. I won’t be here’, then take off himself.

She wouldn’t blame him if he did. Saying that to her wasn’t as bad as what she’d done, walking away after he told her he loved her. But she didn’t want to give Jake the chance to disappear.

So instead of calling him, she called the airline she’d used last time she went to D.C. There were no direct flights to Washington D.C. that evening, but there was a red-eye through Chicago that would get her there early the next morning. So she booked a seat on that plane. After she threw her kit bag and a few changes of clothing into her travel backpack, she headed out to the garage and got in her car. Drove to the Helena airport.

As she drove, she tried to figure out what to say to Jake.

Whatcouldshe say? ‘I was a jerk?’ That would work. ‘I’m an idiot?’ That would work, too. Both were true, and Jake deserved to hear both of them. But maybe she needed to start with the most important – ‘I love you, Jake.’

The problem was, after the way she’d acted in the Brooklyn hotel, and when they’d returned to Washington, she wouldn’t blame Jake at all if he didn’t believe her. Didn’t want anything to do with her. She’d been incredibly cruel to him. And thoughtless on top of cruel.

She finally fell asleep on the plane from Chicago, only waking when the plane landed at Reagan with a hard thump.

She shuffled off the plane with the rest of the passengers, then went directly to one of the rental car companies. Since she wasn’t picky about what she rented, as long as it had four wheels and an engine, she was on her way in less than thirty minutes. She didn’t need to map the route to Jake’s apartment -- it had been little more than a week since she’d been here.

As she drove into the parking lot closest to Jake’s building, she searched for his car. When she didn’t see it, she gripped the steering wheel tightly. Was Jake gone? On a job? Or on a trip? Maybe she should have called him.

Finally she spotted his car, parked far away from the door to his building. She parked close to it, then grabbed her suitcase and briefcase from the trunk before hurrying to the door of Jake’s building.

Just as she entered the lobby, a woman exited the apartment. Livvy leaped and grabbed the door before it clicked close, then she got on the elevator. Got off on Jake’s floor, then walked slowly to his door.

She stood there for a long time. What if he wasn’t home? What if he had… company? Oh, God, that would be so mortifying. So awful. It would break her heart.

Finally she got up the nerve to knock on his door. She heard footsteps from inside his apartment, and finally the door opened. Jake said, “I told you I’m not…” He stopped, staring at her. “What are you doing here?”

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