Page 59 of No Reason to Trust

There was no welcome in his cold voice. Livvy swallowed hard. Looked up and down the hall. She really didn’t want to have this conversation where anyone could overhear her. Given it was early morning, people could and probably would walk down the hall to catch the elevator. An audience was the last thing she needed. Or wanted.

Jake stared at her for a long moment, his face unreadable. “May I come in?” she finally asked. When he didn’t respond, fearing he was going to say no, she took a step closer. “Please, Jake. I don’t want to have this conversation in public.”

The silence stretched too long, and she was sure he’d say no. If he did, she’d wait at his car until he emerged. He may not want to hear what she had to say, but she needed to say it.

Finally, after a too-long hesitation, he stepped to the side and she walked into his entrance hall.

He didn’t invite her further into his apartment. They stood awkwardly in the narrow hallway, and Jake was careful to keep a good distance between them. Probably so she couldn’t touch him, and the thought made her chest ache as if someone had kicked it.

Finally, when the door was closed and he was standing far enough away that there would be no accidental touches, he said, “What are you doing here, Williams?”

God, not even an Olivia. She drew in a trembling breath.

He’d never called her Williams before, and her heart twisted in her chest. ‘Williams’ was even more impersonal than Olivia. She didn’t realize how long she’d been staring at him without speaking until he said, “What?” He nodded at her suitcase and briefcase. “You planning a long stay? Have a job in D.C.? You want to stay in my extra bedroom? Save a little money on a motel?”

“No,” she said, appalled. “God, no. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Why the hell had she brought her luggage up to his apartment? Because her subconscious mind hadhopedhe’d ask her to stay. God, what a fool she’d been.

“Really?” He raised one eyebrow. “You have lines you wouldn’t cross?”

Oh, God, Jake was really angry. She drew in a deep breath. How could she blame him? He’d offered her his heart, and she’d crushed it beneath her heel.

“I came here to see you,” she said. “I’m glad I caught you before you left for work.”

“I was just going out the door when you knocked. Can this wait?”

From the way he was looking at her, she figured he meant ‘can this wait until hell freezes over’?

She didn’t want to wait. She wanted Jake to wrap his arms around her and tell her again that he loved her. She wanted to kiss him and say those words back to him. But Jake was in charge here, and he didn’t look like he’d welcome her big reveal. Not now, maybe not ever.

Her eyes burned, and she struggled not to let the tears fall. “Sure. What time will you be home tonight?”

“No idea. I have an appointment late this afternoon. Don’t know how long it’ll last.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Why don’t you give me a call when you get home and are ready to see me.”

He stared at her hard for a long moment. “Not sure I’m ever gonna be ready to see you, Williams.”

Her mouth tightened and she clamped her teeth together to hold back the cry of despair in her throat. “I’ll be waiting here when you get back. You can walk past me and close the door in my face, but I’ll just be here when you leave tomorrow morning.”

“Fine,” he said, but his voice was strained. “I’ll see you after work.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.” He opened the door. She was barely past the threshold when it closed hard behind her.

She turned to stare at the door and it was still vibrating in the frame. Should she wait for him to come out? Walk to the car with him?

No. That would only make him angrier. She’d come back tonight to talk to him.

She walked back to her car and climbed in, then sat there, hunched in the seat, watching for Jake to come out of his building. When she realized her gaze was laser focused on the door, she rolled her eyes at herself. What was she, in junior high?

He finally emerged after ten minutes or so and walked directly to his car. He didn’t search the parking lot, looking for an unfamiliar car. He didn’t peer into the cars that were there, looking for her. Based on the way he strode to his car without hesitating or looking around, she realized he really didn’t care that she’d come to Washington.

She wanted to cry, but she fought the tears that wanted to fall. Tears never solved anything. It might feel good to release all that emotion, but it would just leave her drained. Exhausted. And vulnerable.

Vulnerable was the last thing she ever wanted to be. After seeing her mother fall apart when a relationship ended, Livvy had vowed she’d never be that woman. Never let a man control her emotions. As a result, she’d spent her adult life not being vulnerable to anyone or anything. It had worked just fine for her. Until Jake.

She swallowed hard as she realized that coming to Jake, telling him she loved him and asking him to forgive her, would put her completely at his mercy. Make her completely vulnerable to him. He might forgive her, but he could just as easily tell her to get lost. Tell her she’d had her chance and had thrown it away. She’d tossed his love back in his face like it wasn’t good enough for her.

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