‘It’s myself I’m wary of,’ she added when her laughter died down. ‘I’ve a tendency to rush into things without thinking first. It got me into trouble loads at school and if I’m honest it’s still getting me into trouble now, especially where men are concerned.’ He wanted to ask her what she meant, but she put her glass down on the deck, settled back on the sun pad and stared up at the sky. ‘These stars I can see. Do you know any of their names?’
He shifted so he was lying down next to her. Not touching, but close enough he could feel the heat of her skin. His dick, which had been half hard most of the evening, stirred again. ‘I know the Milky Way,’ he offered, willing his body to catch up with what his mind had already worked out. Sex was not going to happen tonight.
‘Yeah, I’ve heard of that.’ Her head turned towards him. ‘Just in case I’m not absolutely certain what it is, though, besides a yummy brand of chocolate bar, can you remind me?’
‘It’s the galaxy that includes our solar system.’ He pointed at the sky to the left. ‘You see the area that looks like a cloud?’
He watched as her eyes scanned the inky blackness, littered with thousands of twinkling stars. ‘The one that looks a bit like an alien with a transparent head and a brain that is glowing in the dark?’
Amusement hummed inside him and he cleared his throat, not wanting to laugh in case she thought he was laughing at her. ‘Astrologists say the Milky Way looks like spilt milk, but I guess an alien’s brain works, too.’
‘Split milk is kind of nondescript.’ She sunk further into the sun pad. ‘So, um, that’s the Milky Way, then.’
‘It is. About two-hundred billion stars. Plus a bit of dust and gas.’
‘Holy crap, billions? Seriously?’
He hadn’t realised those blue eyes could get any wider. ‘There are too many to see individually, hence the glow. Nantucket is a great place to view it. There’s hardly any light pollution here.’
‘More than I can say for Twickenham.’ She paused, seeming to take it all in. ‘Makes you feel very small and insignificant, doesn’t it, knowing all that is out there.’
‘Yes.’
Again he felt her gaze on him. ‘I bet it’s the only time you feel insignificant.’
Christ, if only she knew how wrong she was. ‘You think tall people can’t feel small?’ He could tell he’d surprised her, but because he didn’t want her asking any more questions, he kept his eyes firmly up at the sky.
‘When I was a kid I used to think I could wish on a star and it would all come true,’ she said quietly after a while.
He turned to look at her, finding her expression unusually pensive. ‘What did you wish for?’
‘Oh, you know, the usual. Ten-year-old me wanted a pony, twelve-year-old me wanted to live in a castle made of books.’
‘Ah.’ Understanding dawned. ‘It’s a bookworm– that key ring you showed me– not a caterpillar.’ When she didn’t immediately reply, he glanced at her again and found her staring open-mouthed at him. ‘What?’
‘I’m surprised you made the connection, that’s all. But Sparks thanks you for realising his worm credentials. My sister didn’t get it. In fact, she laughed till her belly ached when I told her I bought it because I thought it was a worm.’
He couldn’t miss the pain in her voice. ‘Sounds like you don’t get along.’
‘Oh, we do, mostly.’ She let out a deep exhale. ‘But fourteen-year-old me wanted her to fail an exam, just one, so my parents could be disappointed in her for a change.’ He was shocked, not by what she said, but the fact she’d openly admitted something so private. ‘I don’t know why I said that,’ she added, face still turned up to the sky, like she was embarrassed to look at him. ‘It’s the first time I’ve admitted out loud how jealous I am of her.’
‘We’re strangers sharing a moment in the dark. It’s not like I’m going to judge you.’
Finally, her eyes met his and she smiled. ‘It’s not even that my parents are horrible. I mean I know they love me, you know?’ As he didn’t, he kept his expression neutral. ‘It’s just Lauren has always been the shining star, the one who went to university, who became a doctor. I’m the one still trying to find my way.’ She sighed. ‘Have you got any siblings you’re jealous of? Just to make me feel better.’
‘No siblings.’
Silence descended, broken only by the occasional creak of the rope on the moorings and the gentle wash of water against the hull. He was usually happy with quiet, preferred it to conversation, yet after what she’d admitted, his cursory response felt churlish. ‘But I was jealous of the boys in my class.’
‘What were you jealous of?’
Fuck, what was he doing? His childhood wasn’t something he talked about. In fact, screw that, he didn’t talk abouthimself. Clearly he was too tired to put up his usual defence. ‘Their swagger, their bond.’ He kept his gaze up at the sky. ‘They had money, and it made them important in the eyes of everyone around them.’
She scoffed. ‘Being rich doesn’t make a person important. It just makes them think they are.’ As if she’d suddenly realised what she’d said, she added, ‘Not that every rich person thinks like that. I’m sure there are some perfectly nice ones. Like, um, you.’
He wasn’t sure if he’d just been insulted, or agreed with. He couldn’t fault what she’d said, though. Only that she lacked a few vital insights. Money wasn’t important unless it was what you were judged on. Judged, shunned, tormented, ridiculed. He felt the familiar knots tighten in his stomach and focused on the stars as he willed the memories to fade.
‘So what did ten-year-old Liam wish for?’