Page 71 of Love, Rekindled

Gretchen

My phone ringsand Ashton’s face pops on.

“Hey,” I say as I grab my bag, rushing out of the house.

Ben and I have a date. One that I planned and I need to get supplies. Instead of going out, I’m going to cook for him and hopefully much more than that.

“Hello to you too, remember me? Your best friend in Jersey?”

“How could I ever forget?”

“Well, according to Liam and Quinn, you’ve been rather busy with a very handsome man.”

Damn it. My cheeks burn even though no one can see. Last night was incredible. A lot of walls were brought down, but having Natalie and Liam walk in to Ben and me making out on their couch wasn’t the highlight of my life.

They thought it was hilarious, but I was mortified.

“Can no one keep secrets?”

She laughs. “Not in that group.”

“Quinn, huh?”

“Don’t try to change the subject.”

Ashton is relentless when there’s information she wants. “Okay, here’s the Cliffnotes. Ben and I went on a fake date which turned into more of a real date than I think either of us expected. Then I kissed him because I can’t seem to stop myself and after that we were babysitting and I asked him to kiss me. There you go.”

“So you like him?” she asks with a softness to her voice.

“I do. Which is a little crazy, right?”

“Why? You were with a guy who was unworthy for so long, Gretch. You deserve to have some fun and if Ben is just that, then okay. If it’s more, even better.”

“But,” I sigh, knowing this is a bad thing to admit. “What about my list? Ben doesn’t really fit in since he doesn’t want kids. He has no intention of ever getting married again thanks to his shrew of an ex-wife. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made with Harold by trying to fit him into something he doesn’t want to do.”

I think that’s where my fault lies. I wanted to get married, have kids, and follow what I thought was a brilliant plan. By doing that, I was so hellbent on that timeline that I didn’t see Harold wasn’t the right guy to plug in. He told me, showed me a million times but I couldn’t accept it.

His epiphany might have hurt in the worst way, but had I paid more attention, I would’ve seen it coming a mile away.

“Oh, Jesus Christ!”

“No, listen, I know you think it’s stupid and my lists are dumb, but they keep me grounded.”

I can picture Ashton banging her head on something. “Gretchen, for the love of God, lists are great for grocery shopping, but not life! Who fucking cares if he never wants to get married or have kids? Nothing is saying you have to have a relationship, just have some damn fun.”

“That’s the thing. I need my list because the truth is, I don’t care about any of that when I’m with him. I don’t know that I can just have fun with him! I don’t know if I can walk away...”

Ashton falls silent. After a few seconds her voice is calming and almost sad. “You like him.”

And that’s the problem. I like men who don’t want the same things as me and in the end I’ll be the one disappointed. “More than I should.”

“Then just feel it. Allow yourself whatever comes because in my expert opinion, that doesn’t happen often and to those few that have felt it...they’re all exactly where they should be.”

I think of Catherine and Jackson, Natalie and Liam, Mark and Charlie. All of them found someone they didn’t expect or hope to find and they’re blissfully happy.

“And if he ends up hurting me?”

“You’ll survive it. You’re strong, beautiful, resilient, and you’re smart as hell. Any man who walks away from you is a fucking idiot.”

---