Page 82 of Love, Rekindled

“You know, when you’re sitting over there with both legs, it’s a prick thing to do to point out the errors.”

“Prick thing? How about rushing into a building that hadn’t been cleared or assessed? I think that’s a dick move.”

He’s right. “I just...I felt alive again.”

For the first time since my injury I was out there, doing something. No one was babying me. I was with my team, working to get the rest of our guys out of danger. In my gut, I knew they were there and the longer we waited, the more my mind ran through things I couldn’t bear.

Mark’s anger dissipates. Thankfully, he doesn’t look at me with pity. I would have to find a way to punch him in the face.

“I get that, but what happens now? What if you lose your arm, Ben?”

“Ben?” Gretchen’s soft voice says from the door.

“I’ll leave you two,” Mark says, looking at Gretchen. “He’s a lucky guy, Jilted. A lucky man and he’s a fucking idiot.”

Her eyes meet mine. “I see.”

“Get out, Twilight.”

“Don’t break the bed, Hulk.”

I flip him off and she moves toward me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She pushes her hair back, which is her nervous tell. “What happened?”

I tell her a very loose version, not wanting to freak her out. My team was exemplary, they found their target and got him out, but in the process, they were pinned down. We train to work through every possibility, and thankfully, they left the skeleton crew back to handle any mishaps. They secured the kid, got word to us, and then we went in.

The part I don’t tell her is that I wasn’t waiting for nightfall. I had an opportunity and I wasn’t going to lose it. By doing that, I could’ve gotten us all killed.

Hell, if it weren’t for Mark and Jackson’s quick thinking, I definitely would be in a different room in the hospital right now.

“And you were shot?” The fear in her voice, the red rims around her eyes tell me everything. “You...could’ve died because of it? Why would you do this? Why did you? What if something else happened? What if your injuries were worse than they are?”

This shook her.

“They’re not.”

“God! You don’t know that, Ben. You’re not a doctor!”

“No, but I’m not going to fucking stand aside when others are in danger. That’s not who I am!”

Gretchen wipes a tear and turns her head, trying to hide her face. “I wouldn’t expect you to, but...you’re hurt now.”

When she finally meets my eyes...I see it. I see the look I prayed I would never see again. Her eyes are haunted by realizing I’m not what she thought. I’m not safe, secure, or able to give her the life she wants. I’ll never fit into her life list. The one she clings to.

I’ll be the disappointment at the end, leaving her with more of a mess than walking away now. I have to let her go, allow her to find someone that can be the man she deserves.

She needs to learn how to be free, and I won’t be the man to put her in a cage.

“This is who I’ll always be, Gretchen. There’s no changing me into the lawyer you loved before. I’m a fighter. I won’t give up and if I die in the process—so be it. I will never give this life up.”

She takes a step back. “What does that even mean?”

“It means I’m not the right guy for you. I don’t want you to delude yourself that I will ever be him.”

Her lips part and I hear the quick intake of breath. “I don’t understand. Why are you pushing me away?”

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