Page 84 of Love, Rekindled

“You were fake dating? Like, it was just a show?”

“Well,hewas! I thought...I don’t know, but I was wrong.”

I am really the absolute worst judge of character. I thought it was all real. Again, I fooled myself into wanting someone that didn’t want me back. How stupid am I?

“I don’t understand.”

I tell her about his brilliant ideas and how it felt...different. “It wasn’t acting, Cat. I swear, no one could act that way. He said it wasn’t at one point. Maybe...maybe the first date, but even then, the way he kissed me, held me, smiled at me, there’s no way that it wasn’t real. He was so honest that I still can’t reconcile it, you know? When it was Harold, I wasn’t even half this upset. I was almost...relieved to some extent because Iknew. Iknewit wasn’t real love. I knew that what we had was superficial at best and that I was only with him because he was my best shot at my stupid list. With Ben, he was my whole list.”

“You love him.”

“How?” I yell and sit up. “How can I love someone who was so...not in love with me. How can I love someone after just a few weeks?”

Catherine shakes her head with a sad smile. “You really are an idiot.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“She’s right,” a deep voice says from the doorway. “You are an idiot, but I’m the biggest one.”

There stands Ben, all six plus feet of him. His arm is in a sling, the beginnings of a beard are growing, and he has dark circles under his eyes. The hospital band is on his wrist and he’s cloaked in regret.

“What are you doing here? How did you get in here?”

“I have a key,” he says as he walks forward. “And as for why I’m here...well, I’m here to grovel, beg, and do anything for you to forgive me.”

Catherine stands, moving to the wall. “That’s my cue.” I look to her, asking her with my eyes not to leave. What does the traitor do? Wink and then slink out.

“I can’t talk about this,” I say to him. “I can’t hear any more from you.”

The last time I loved someone, I hoped when they spoke, they’d fix what they’d broken. That didn’t happen. Instead, I was just reassured that I was fooling myself. With Ben, I thought it was different.

I’d rather believe what we had was real than allow him to confirm it was a lie.

“Please don’t...” I ask.

“Just listen,” he says with pleading eyes. “I was so sure that you were going to walk away. I thought you saw me in that bed and it was the end. I spent the next four days angry at the world, the doctors, my friends, but mostly myself. It wasn’t you who saw me in that bed and wanted to leave, it was me.” I close my eyes, a tear leaking out as he explains. “I didn’t want to fail you and have you deal with less of a man. I thought if I could let you go, then you’d be free. Free to find someone who could love you better, but...”

“But?”

Ben sits on the bed, taking my hand in his. I marvel at how well we fit together. How just a simple touch like this can make me feel like all is right in the world. The fact that his closeness allows me to breathe easier. When we were kids, it was like that.

He made everything seem just...better.

I always felt that he would do whatever he could to make me smile.

When I felt like I’d lost him again, my heart was decimated.

“But I never want to know if that’s possible. I don’t ever want another man to touch you, know you, because he will never love you the way I do.Iwant to be there every night, fight with you, laugh with you, take you on a million dates, be the man that you see me as and continue to prove I can be that.”

I shake my head and then touch his face with my hand. “You are that man.”

“No. I’m not yet, but I plan to be...for you.”

He is more of that man than anyone I’ve ever met. He came here, apparently straight from the hospital, to tell me he was wrong.

“I don’t know what to say,” I confess.

“Say you’ll forgive me for being an asshole. Tell me that there’s still a chance.”

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