Page 79 of Red Boar's Baby

CHAPTER26

Diana was dozingin the passenger seat, but she woke up when Costa pulled into the ranch yard. She rubbed her eyes and looked around as he kept going, past the house and up a steep driveway that led to the saguaro cabin.

“We can go down to the main house if you want,” Costa said, glancing at her. “But I thought you might want a little while to get refreshed. It looks like that coffee and Red Bull is wearing off.”

Diana laughed and rubbed her forehead, where a headache had erupted again. “Yeah, I’ve definitely build up a tolerance over the years. You wouldn’t think so after sleeping for the better part of a day, but I feel like I’m crashing.”

Costa looked at her with worry. “How bad? Want me to call the SCB?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I’m just tired.”

They collected the shopping bags and went inside. Diana hadn’t expected the cabin to remain untouched in their absence, but apparently it had, with no sign that anyone had been in it at all. Her empty coffee cup was in the sink, right where she had put it days ago. She rinsed the cup and put it away. The crib was still just as they had left it, and Diana laid a hand on it, caught up in a sudden urge to hold Emmeline in her arms again.

“With all that’s been going on, I completely forgot—are there any updates on Em from the SCB? Finding out who she really is, I mean.”

“None so far,” Costa said. He opened the fridge and began to put away the few additional items he’d brought. “The confiscated lab records from Alamagordo might shed some light on it. I think it’s definitely looking like Em was there for a while.”

Diana looked out the window at the afternoon sun. She thought about making coffee, then about lying down, and found herself standing still, her decision-making ability having completely deserted her.

When a hand brushed hers, she looked up with a flinch of surprise.

“Come on,” Costa said quietly. He took her hand and led her into the bedroom, where the bedcovers were still rumpled from the last night they had spent here, together yet apart. “Lie down for a little while. Everything will still be there after you rest.”

Diana sat on the edge of the bed and took off her boots. “Just for a few minutes. I don’t think I need sleep. I just need ...” She trailed off, unsure what she actually did need.

My house back? My life back?But she had passed some kind of personal Rubicon, she sensed. Even if everything was magically put back exactly as it had been in the blink of an eye,shewouldn’t be the same.

Costa adjusted the pillow. “Here, this looks comfy. I’ll go, if you want me to?—”

“No,” she said, turning to look at him. “I want you to stay.”

They lay down fully clothed on top of the covers. Costa drew her against him, and she settled without complaint, tucking her head into the crook of his shoulder. He put an arm over her. For a while, she simply lay there, comfortably drifting. The world felt far away from her, outside a bubble consisting only of the two of them. She didn’t feel as if she was going to fall asleep. It was simply nice to be here, not having to move or think or do anything. Content.

Costa spoke at last, his voice so quiet that she felt it as a low rumble in his chest as much as she heard it with her ears. “I could leave, you know. If you want me to.”

“Leave?” she asked, too lazy with sleep and satisfaction to move. “Leave what? The bed? The ranch? The SCB?”

“Any of the above. Except maybe the bed.” He stirred a little, adjusting position. “I’m serious. I’ve spent most of my adult life at the SCB, and all of my life in Arizona. I could quit. Get a new job. Go somewhere else. Your forties are the traditional time for a midlife crisis change of career, right?”

Diana laughed quietly against his shoulder. “You’d be unhappy.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her. His gaze was incredibly soft. “I’ve been thinking about that. It’s interesting. I know that when we talked about this before, when we were so much younger. I never could have left back then.”

“And I understand why,” Diana said softly. Her heart broke for him. “I don’t think I did understand, then. You had to care for Marco, and stay on the ranch to take care of things here. It was important to you. I shouldn’t have tried to talk you into leaving.”

“You had every right. I could always say no. I mean, I did say no. But now ...” As he spoke, he began to slowly stroke her hair. “It’s different. Everything is different. I’ve had twenty years to live the life I chose, and I’ve enjoyed that life; I never regretted it.” He paused, and she saw a flicker of unhappiness on his face, as if remembering all the regrets he did have.

“You didn’t make the wrong decision,” Diana said swiftly. And then, touching on the one thing they had never talked about openly: “What happened to Marco wasn’t your fault.”

Costa jerked, like a man drifting into sleep and jolted suddenly out of it. “He joined the SCB because of me. Big brother Quinn, giving him direction, being a surrogate dad after our parents died.” He almost spat the words. “I don’t know if you know exactly what happened; it was after you left.”

“He died in the line of duty,” Diana said. After all this time, she got the feeling that he did want to talk about it. “I heard the story. He was a hero.”

“And his wife is a widow, and his son has no father.”

“And none of that is your fault. Not a single bit of it.”

Costa let out a long sigh. He didn’t pull back; he just kept running his fingers through her hair. At long last, he said, “I know. I was so damn hard on myself afterwards, I don’t even think I noticed when I stopped. I guess I’ll always feel some guilt for it. He was my little brother. But somewhere along the line, I guess I got it into my head that I needed to take care of Jay, help raise him the way I helped my aunts raise Marco after our parents died.”

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