Page 11 of Smoke

5

Smoke

My dragon kept pushingat me, insisting that Alina was out there. That we had to go and bring her back. That it was the way things were meant to be.

I wished more than ever that I hadn’t gone with Pierce to kidnap Alina. It was difficult enough living without her. Knowing where she lived and how easy it would be for me to take her away turned my desire for her into an obsession. And the dragon wouldn’t shut up about it, no matter how I tossed and turned and struggled to get some sleep.

It was pointless to try. I had been battling insomnia ever since she left. For five nights, I’d struggled to get more than a few hours total. My mood was suffering as a result, along with my concentration. And my patience. It was at an all-time low.

I opened up my eyes and rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. The only light in the room came from the touchscreen by the door, and even that was dim due to the time of night. There was nothing to see up there—not that there would be with the lights on, either—but that didn’t stop me from staring.

I saw her, or else I told myself I did. Her beautiful face. Smiling at me. It was good that she was smiling—normally, when I saw her in my mind’s eye she was looking at me with reproach. Hoping I would at least tell her I wanted her to stay.

Why hadn’t I at least told her I wanted it that way? It might have given her a little comfort, anyway. Instead, I sent her away without saying a word about what was in my soul. Because I was too much of a man for anything like that, and way too much of a dragon.

I sat up with a growl and swung my legs over the side of the bed. No sense in lying around for hours with nothing to show for it. I took a quick shower and slid into a pair of sweats before leaving the room. It was barely four in the morning, according to the display by the door. I could at least count on a little peace and quiet.

Or so I thought. There was noise coming from the game room—faint, but present. I guessed that meant it wasn’t one of the guys, since they couldn’t be quiet if their lives depended on it. That would leave only one other possibility. I hesitated. Did I want the reminder of Alina? Then again, it wasn’t like I could avoid Jasmine forever.

I entered the game room and found her sitting on the couch, legs drawn up under her, wrapped in a blanket. She was watching an old black-and-white movie. I recognized one of the actresses onscreen. Bette Davis. She was blind, or had just gone blind, and her friend was weeping in her arms. Jasmine sniffled, shoulders moving up and down as she cried right along with the girl on the screen.

She jumped when I cleared my throat. “You caught me,” she offered with a shaky, embarrassed smile. “Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m interrupting you. I’m the one who should apologize.”

But I wouldn’t, because the caves were my home and would always be my home. She was the visitor. I wondered how long it would take before I could think of her as living here for good.

She wiped her eyes with a sigh. “I don’t know why I do this to myself. Watching these movies when I know they’ll make me cry. I guess I was just looking for an excuse to get a little weepy.”

“I don’t think you need an excuse.” I sat in one of the club chairs which sat to the right of the couch.

“That’s true. I wish I knew how long it’ll take until I get used to her not being with me,” she whispered. “I sound like such a baby.”

“You don’t.”

“It’s funny. We could go days and days without seeing each other. She would be working in her room, or treating anyone who fell ill or hurt themselves. I would be sitting in on meetings, fighting with my uncle over clan business. We had our own distinct paths. It wasn’t like we were attached at the hip. And I was fine with that, you know? Eventually, we’d find each other again, and we’d catch up on what we’d missed. Why does not seeing her in five days bother me so much now?”

“You know why. Because there’s a finality to it.”

“Yes,” she whispered, staring up at the screen again but not really seeing it. “I know we’re not going to run into each other at breakfast in the banquet room. We won’t cross paths in the halls. It’s over.”

“I’m sorry you’re going through this.” And I was. It was no fault of mine or anyone else, but I was still sorry for her.

“I’m sorry for you,” she whispered, not looking at me.

“Excuse me?”

“I know you didn’t want her to go.”

“She had to go.”

“But you didn’t want her to.” She sneaked a glance at me. “I know you didn’t.”

“I… I knew it would hurt you…”

“Smoke. You don’t have to pretend. It’s all right to admit what’s happening inside. Don’t you know that?”

“It’s irrelevant,” I replied as my dragon roared to life.

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