Page 32 of Cash

13

Cash

My dragon was drivingme crazy, insisting that I tell her how she should be mine. How things should be between us.

“She doesn’t want to hear that,” I whispered into the semi-dark.

The only thing illuminating my room was the light from the television. I was watching one of the old Die Hard movies, one of my favorite series. It got a little ridiculous toward the end, but the first few were great. In my opinion, at least.

I was hardly watching, however. Not that I needed to pay attention—I could practically recite the lines along with the actors. I was stretched out on the bed, arms folded behind my head, ruminating. A great pastime of mine, rumination. Sometimes there was nothing else to do. When all the books had been read, and the films watched until the thought of re-watching another of them made me want to scream, there was nothing left to do but think. Alone.

I was definitely alone. She was out there—she always let me know when she was leaving, even if it was close to midnight—but I might as well have been on the moon.

If only things hadn’t been so different on the first day. If she had walked into the lab a week earlier the cold, distant, distracted young chemist she had become, I wouldn’t have thought twice about her personal life. If that was who she was, so be it, to each their own. My instincts were sharp enough and my lifetime long enough to know when I was barking up the wrong tree.

Only that wasn’t who she was.

Something had happened. I couldn’t rest until I knew what it was. But gods, I had never known so stubborn a person. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, she was determined to keep her pain to herself. I wasn’t one to beg. I was more the type who threw things out of rage and frustration. And she was taking me there. How would she feel if I destroyed some of her precious equipment?

Who was she turning me into?

I flipped off the TV in disgust and tossed the control aside. It was then that I heard it. The soft sounds of crying.

I sat up, ears trained to the sound. It could only be coming from the lab. When I went to the closed door, the sound only grew louder.

She was crying. She would want me to leave her alone and let her cry in peace. She didn’t know me very well if she thought I would do anything like that.

I opened the door and stepped into the lab.

She sat with her back to me, slumped over the table, her laptop forgotten. She’d crossed her arms and rested her head on them. Her back and shoulder shook with the force of her brokenhearted sobs.

My dragon urged me forward. To tell her I’d help. That I’d protect her. Nothing in the world could’ve kept me away when I heard the pain and hopelessness pouring from her.

“Carissa.” I placed a hand on her back and almost recoiled at the feeling of her ribs, so prominent under the lab coat she always wore.

When had I last seen her eat? I glanced into the wastebasket beneath the table and saw nothing to indicate that she’d eaten all day. Only empty coffee cups. She was falling apart before my very eyes. It was time to stop being kind for the sake of protecting myself and the family, the project we were working on.

I pulled her up by her painfully thin shoulders and held her against my chest.

“I’m sorry!” she gasped, shaking from head to toe.

“It’s all right.” I held her tight, hoping some of my strength would comfort her.

“I shouldn’t be doing this. I didn’t want to do this in front of you.”

“I don’t want to see it, but only because I don’t want to think of you ever going through this sort of pain. Oh, Carissa, don’t you see? I’ve only ever wanted to help you. Having you here, so close to me, and being unable to do anything to make things better for you…”

“But you can’t make it better! You can’t! Nobody can!” Her tears soaked through my shirt and dampened my skin. Hot tears, full of heartache and hopelessness.

“There, there.” I smoothed golden hair back from her forehead and almost withdrew my hand in surprise when I felt the sweat on her brow. Her skin was hot to the touch. “Carissa, you’re not well.”

“I have to work…

“No, no. You have to rest. Please, listen to me. You’re going to kill yourself if you don’t take a break.”

She wriggled, trying to push me away. “No, you don’t understand. I have to work. I have to… get him back…”

She slumped in my arms before the thought was finished. I held her up. Her head fell back against the crook of my elbow, eyes closed, lips slightly parted.

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