Page 15 of Klaus

6

Ainsley

It looked as though I’d be living in my room for the rest of my life.

The females of the clan never performed guard duty outside the cave, which in this case was a rare stroke of good luck. No one would expect me to shift on command if there was no reason for it.

Strangely enough, there was once a time when being considered unfit to guard the clan had been a great source of irritation for me. I’d nearly gone to war with the men in an attempt to change their minds. It hadn’t gone well.

Years later, I was grateful for that failure.

Otherwise, I had no choice but to hide. I made it a point to spend my time alone over the first several days post-return. After so many years living with my clan, I knew their routines. I knew when the kitchen was most likely to be crowded. I knew when the game rooms and common areas would be busy, too.

I could avoid them, as long as I took care.

How long would that last, though? How much longer did I have before someone knew something was wrong? Out of so many, it was bound to happen sooner or later. One of them would put two and two together and realize they hadn’t seen my dragon since coming back to the caves. They’d ask another, who’d ask another, until finally, the entire clan would see me for what I really was.

An outsider. A nobody.

My only hope was for the dragon to come back before that time arrived.

I closed my eyes, stretched out on my back in bed. I’d so missed my bed. My clothes. My private bathroom.

Privacy in general.

Funny thing, that. I’d always thrived on being around others before. Swimming was my only alone time; beyond it, I had routinely taken comfort in the presence of the clan. Perhaps to an extreme. I’d always known everybody’s secrets, what secrets we could keep at any rate. I’d been the one to listen to problems, to nurse the others through any little illness those of our kind could come down with. It was a rarity, but I’d always enjoyed doing feeling as though I was a help.

If such a thing could be enjoyed.

One of them would surely notice the change in me. It was as if the sword of Damocles hung over my head, suspended by the thinnest of threads. When would the thread break? What would I do when it did? Who could I turn to?

I slid my hands over the sheets beneath me, so soft and smooth against my skin. Pale gray under a silk bedspread of ash rose, the colors were singed into my mind. I didn’t have to open my eyes to see them. Just like I didn’t have to look to admire the walls with their thick eggplant-and-white stripes, or at the plush gray carpeting on the floor. My sanctuary, done up in my favorite colors.

Good thing it was, since I’d be looking at it more than I ever had.

There were voices outside the closed door. Ever-present, ever-changing, the voices of those I loved and wished I had just a little more faith in. If I did, I might not be so afraid.

I wasn’t accustomed to fear. Fear was not a state in which dragons lived; it simply didn’t exist within our nature. I’d never navigated it prior to that last, golden day. Was it possible for a creature who’d existed as long as I had to remain naïve? For I’d been naïve without having known it. I’d imagined us as being untouchable.

Perhaps I was experiencing fear for the first time because my dragon was gone. Completely, utterly gone, erased from existence. In her absence was a confused, directionless human who could only look back on better times and hope none of the others recognized a liar in their midst.

The walls were closing in on me. My chest was tight. I took short, shallow breaths, the tightness expanding all the time as panic spread.

My eyes flew open.

I had to get out of here before I went insane.

It was late afternoon, and whoever felt like eating a family meal would be getting started in the kitchen. We didn’t always eat together; it would be far too much work to be performed on a daily basis, as dragons tended to eat a lot. Feasting together on special days was a far more sustainable approach.

Even so, there always seemed to be a handful of us who’d come together for an evening meal. I used to be one of them and would often take the lead. Delegating in the kitchen was something I’d excelled at. Isla and Leslie used to tease that I really only enjoyed bossing everybody around.

And they were right.

I smiled to myself as I changed into a swimsuit with only one destination in mind. It was the only destination that made sense. I hadn’t gone down yet to commune with the serenity and beauty that was Dunsapie Loch; too many other concerns held me back. Once I had my mind made up to swim until my muscles trembled, I no longer felt rudderless.

There was still one aspect of my life that didn’t have to change.

Remember, you’re normal. Everything is fine.I made it a point not to avoid eye contact as I walked through the tunnel, fighting to keep a semblance of normalcy about me. How many times had I made that walk? Since before we had electric lights dotting the ceiling. Since before even lanterns had existed. We’d walked in darkness, using our sensitive sight to navigate by.

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