Page 16 of Alan

“It is my job to make these difficult decisions,” I reminded him. “It gives me no pleasure to do and say these things. I do not wish to hold you back or keep you from that which is so important to you.”

“Important?” he gasped, then laughed. “This is much more than simply important. This is critical. This is everything.” He held his hands to his head. “This is my dragon screaming, nonstop, demanding I find our mate and find her now. Do you understand what that is like? It’s torture, is what it is. The very fact that I’m standing here with you right now rather than going out there to find her is torture.”

“If the Priestesses were to find her, they would not harm her.” I looked from him to my sister, then to Klaus. “We know this. She is one of them.”

“There is a good chance they’ll never allow her to leave,” Ainsley murmured. “Once they have her back with them, they’ll tell her who she is and how powerful she could become, and they will not release her.”

“What if this has nothing to do with the Priestesses at all?” I asked. “What if it’s nothing more than a case of someone becoming lost in the woods? Why did we assume this had to do with the coven at all?”

“You were the one who was so certain it had to do with the coven. You dared any of us to claim you were wrong,” Klaus reminded me. He at least managed to look apologetic about raking me over the coals as he was.

“You’re right. I did that,” I admitted. “Thank you for reminding me.” The last thing I wanted to do was thank him.

“And perhaps it doesn’t have to do with the Priestesses. All the more reason for us to help Keira find her friend. She won’t come back without her. You know she won’t.”

“Aye. I suppose I know her well enough by now to know that.” Stubborn, she was. And strong. “At least we know she’ll be able to take care of herself if she comes across any threats.”

Ainsley winced. “While I consider myself quite the fierce fighter, even I can admit that just because she managed to outfight me doesn’t mean she could face down an animal.”

Tamhas shuddered.

“You know, there’s a good chance she’ll come back on her own. What if she finds nothing of Emelie out there?”

“She will not give up,” Tamhas whispered. His fists were clenched tight at his sides. “She will not.”

I believed that.

“Give me a bit of time to think this over. Please.” I looked at all of them. “I understand how important this is. I truly do. But going off half-cocked, not giving any thought to what we should do next? That is a sure recipe for disaster. We must give thought to how we move forward, or else we might make mistakes.”

It did not please him, that much was certain, but Tamhas relented. “Fine. Take a bit of time, but it cannot be much. I will go on my own if need be.”

“I know you will. I give you my word that I will be quick about it.”

The four of us left the room, allowing Owen to return to his customary place in front of our security feed. Before leaving him alone, I turned to him. “Keep a close watch on the perimeter. I’ll want to know if anyone goes into or comes out of the woods. Including any of us.”

“Understood.” For once, someone wasn’t arguing with my instructions. What a refreshing turn of events.

I escaped to my room, my sanctuary. The one area of our caves where I might be able to have a little privacy. Since Gavin’s death, it was rare that I got a moment to myself unless I locked the rest of the clan outside my door.

Before I did anything else, I splashed my face with cold water from the bathroom tap. It normally helped center me better than even flying could.

The face reflected in the mirror looked like mine in many ways, but not in all. I rarely looked so haunted. So angry and resentful.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Did Gavin struggle this way? If he had, he’d done a good job of keeping it from us.

He’d been good at keeping secrets, too. At shielding the clan from that which he felt we did not need to be involved in. By doing that, he’d made the difficult decisions without bringing dissenting voices into the mix.

I wanted to be that type of leader, but it seemed increasingly impossible. Every challenge which came my way made keeping certain information quiet, away from those who did not strictly need to be involved. Tamhas and Keira would have shared the news of Emelie’s arrival and the fact that she was missing with everyone, whether I’d wanted them to or not.

Would that I might be able to return to a simpler time.

It wasn’t as though I wished to lie. I merely wished to manage the flow of information a bit more efficiently. Was that such a terrible thing?

And yet…

“If you told them the truth, they would understand.” I stared at myself, unwilling to break eye contact with my own reflection. “If they knew what you knew, they would know why you’re reluctant to go through with this.”

But they did not know, because Gavin had only told me of the true reason for the rift with the Priestesses.

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