Page 142 of Give Me Love

I sit back, frustrated with his short answers. We aren’t getting anywhere. “So, it wasn’t because of me?”

“Will you stop making everything about you? This was about me. Something I needed to do.”

I stare ahead. “Okay, but why did you start selling drugs? You know you could have asked Lee or me if you needed money.”

“Christ. It wasn’t about the damn money.”

“Then what was it about? Help me understand why my kid brother left his home without telling anyone and joined the fucking Army. Only to sell drugs and get kicked out?”

He stands up and tosses his cigarette. “I don’t fucking know, okay? Sometimes people just do shit. I was going crazy here. Pops pushing me to go to school. You were out partying and always gone. I couldn’t take it, so I left.”

I gaze up at him.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what? How am I looking at you?”

“Like I’m a fucking problem you need to fix.”

I shake my head. “I’ve never thought of you as a problem, brother.”

“Fuck-up, problem, something you have to take care of. Whatever you want to call it.”

This time I stand up. “Is that what you think? You’re my brother. I’d do anything for you. Not because I feel obligated. Not because our parents were shitty and left it on me. It’s because I fucking care!” I yell, hitting my chest. “You’re my family. You’re my blood. You were never a bother to me.” I look out at the land before us and shake my head. All this time, I’ve kept to myself. I try to limit the number of people I can disappoint, but it seems I’ve let down the one person I care about the most. “You break my heart,” I mutter, my emotions getting the best of me. I think about that little boy who I tried so hard to protect. It was all in vain. He’s just as messed up as me, if not worse.

“You don’t think you broke mine? You kept a huge secret from me. You’ve been taking care of someone who never took care of us.”

“She wasn’t always like this,” I say.

“Stop taking up for her.” His skin tightens around his eyes.

“I can’t help it.”

“Why? Why do you care about someone who doesn’t care about you? You remind me of—”

I interrupt him, “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth, brother.”

Somewhere inside of me, I know Jace’s right. It makes me sick. I am just like him. I’m doing exactly what our father did. Fuck me.

“I hated her for so long,” I say, placing my hands on my hips as I shake my head. “But one day I woke up and I couldn’t stand not knowing where she was. In a way I wanted her to be suffering. That’s what she did to us, but when I found her living on the streets…” I rub my nose and sniff. “I thought about Dad, and it just hurt. You know?” He looks at me but doesn’t say anything. “She’s been selling her body for heroin. She’s been beaten up a few times. I tried to get her clean once before, but she bailed. This time I wasn’t going to let that happen. She called me, told me she’d been beaten. When I got there, she was passed out against the wall. Her face was fucked, and there were drugs all over her nightstand. I flushed them and took her.”

“Are you serious?” he asks.

I nod. “I handcuffed her to the bed in one of the spare bedrooms at the apartment. With Lou’s help, we cleaned her up and helped her detox. It wasn’t easy. It was gross, man. But she seems different this time. I dunno.” I rub my forehead. “Hell, she could be using right now for all I know.”

“Yeah, she could and probably is,” he says.

I look over at him. “But if it were you, I wouldn’t give up. I can’t do it to her either.”

“But she isn’t me and she doesn’t give a shit.”

“Maybe not, but it fucking helps me sleep at night.” He looks down and shakes his head. “Fine,” he says. “If this is what you need to do, then do it, but don’t expect me to be the nice guy. And if she hurts you, I’ll end her, Bryce. She’ll wish she died of an overdose.”

“Don’t say shit like that.”

“I’m not going to pretend like everything is okay,” he says.

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