Page 58 of Give Me Love

Dad would come home with drunk eyes and a visibly broken heart because she was off doing what she did best.

Getting high.

Sometimes, rarely, he would put us first and we’d get a McDonald’s Happy Meal. Those were the times when I could see he was giving up on her, slipping away from his addiction. But she’d come home, and he’d forget why he was so mad in the first place. It was a pattern and one I was beyond sick of. She’d leave again, of course, and he’d once again be a broken man. I’d tell him to do what he needed to feel better, we’d be okay.

With guilt-ridden eyes, but purpose in his step, he’d leave us to go find his wife.

She stands against the wall in ripped fishnet stockings. She looks up, taking a heavy drag from her smoke. Our blue eyes connect, and I slow to a stop. Anger is boiling over inside of me because for some reason I still love her, but I hate her just the same.

She pushes off the wall and tosses her cigarette. I roll my window down.

“Bryce.”

“Mom. Ride with me.”

“I can’t. It’s a busy night.” She leans into the window, her arms resting on the edge.

“Let me get you some food.” I glance down at her thin frame.

She gives me a small smile. “I’ve already eaten, sweetheart. How’s Jace?” She’s too skinny, eyes sunken and dark. Circles of black around the rims and her teeth aren’t what they used to be.

Years of hard drugs will do that to you.

Her hair blows in the wind, and she tucks it behind her ear.

“He’s fine.”

A man walks from around the corner, and Mom follows my gaze.

“You should go now,” she says.

Anger simmers at the sight of her pimp. “Here.” I grab her hand and put the money in it. “Buy yourself some food and clothes.”

“I love you,” she says.

I nod as she steps back from the car and I shift into first, taking my foot off the clutch and lightly pressing the gas.

Love.

How easily she tosses that word around.

Love is seen, not told. And I promise I haven’t witnessed her love in years.

My eyes focus on the man who feeds my mother drugs so she’ll make him money, and as I ride by the fucker smiles.

I drive on with a ball of anger in my chest, wishing I could get her away from this shit. Remembering a time when she was without the drugs. She was an okay mother at one point. Jace was too young to remember, but I knew her once.

I knew the woman inside the drugged-out shell, and that’s another reason I can’t seem to quit this. I can’t seem to quit her.

My mind drifts to another woman I can’t seem to stay away from.

Kathrine Harrison.

A gorgeous smartass.

She’s the one I’ve been running from. The one people tell you about growing up.“You’ll find the right one, and none of these other women will matter.”

Yeah, well, I found her. Now what do I do?

---