Page 17 of Give Me Perfect Love

ChapterFour

Bryce

Passing out from pure exhaustion last night, I woke later than I’d planned. The stupid binge I went on took a toll on me, reminding me that I’m not in my twenties anymore. I typed the address to the hotel K had written down on the counter for Claire before she left into my phone, but along the way, I knew where I was headed.

I’ve been here before.

I remember this hotel, the railroad tracks, and the rundown gas station that still doesn’t have up-to-date pumps.

She isn’t here, though, and she isn’t answering her phone. I’m backed into the parking space so I can see when she pulls up.

It’s painfully cold in this town, and it isn’t just from the winter storm. My eyes shoot across the street, and I gander at the small diner. My mind sends me back.

“Why is Mama slouched over like that?” Jace asks me as we walk back from the bathroom. The sun shines in his eyes, showing me flecks of gold in his blues. We have the same eyes, except his haven’t seen as much as mine. We’ve been gone all day looking for her. Apparently, Mama’s found a new place to get high. The guy she used to go to got busted. Dad had to ask around, and other drug users pointed him out this way. It’s a sad little town, with only a diner, gas station, and a hotel that looks kinda new. There’s a small strip of buildings, but most of them look empty and have bank signs in the windows.

“She’s sleepy, is all,” I tell him. “Don’t ask a lot of questions. You don’t always want to know the answers.”

He looks down at the brown tile. He’s more grown up than he looks, and I might as well be an adult. In our world you don’t get to be a kid. Not when your parents are too focused on other things.

“Okay,” he says. “But I don’t believe she’s just sleepy.”

I swallow the way that makes me feel. Jace shouldn’t have to see this crap. Mama is clearly high as a kite, and Dad is smiling because she’s leaning on him.

The battle of love and addiction is something I witness every day. They fight each other, but the same one always wins.

Addiction. She’s a selfish bitch.

And it’s a sick fight.

One that I’m tired of seeing.

I sigh as Jace slides back into the booth.

“Everything come out okay?” Dad asks before he puts a fork full of hash browns into his mouth.

“Yeah,” Jace says. “I thought I was going to go in my pants this time.”

Sadly, when our dad has finding her on his mind, he doesn’t listen to little boys who have to go to the bathroom. I asked him to pull over so Jace could go, but he kept saying, “We’re almost there. Just wait.” I would have been the one to have to clean Jace up, but they don’t give a shit about that.

Rage finds me like it does a lot of the time. I have no idea what to do with this anger inside of me. I don’t even know who I’m mad at. The woman who can’t open her eyes at the table in a restaurant or the man who’s smiling like his world is now complete because she’s beside him.

I pick up my fork and move the food around on my plate. I know I should eat this. Who knows what tonight will bring when she’s no longer high and he’s begging her to stay. I’ll look into their change jar when I get home. Maybe it won’t be empty and I can grab us a burger. If it is, then I’ll have to swipe something at the grocery store…again.

I nod, slightly glad that I’ve figured out our supper. And then I get pissed again, thinking,why is that my job? Why can’t they just be normal?I look across the table as Dad speaks to Jace. “I thought we could all go to the water park this summer. What do you think about that?”

“Oh, that sounds like so much fun,” Jace beams, his childlike face shining brightly. His teeth are uneven, and the front one is missing.

“Don’t do that,” I say.

Dad looks at me. “Do what?”

“Feed him lies.”

“Who’s feeding him lies? I thought it would be a nice thing for us to do as a family.”

“A family?” I drop my fork. “What family? You mean her, the drug addict, or you, the lovesick alcoholic?”

My face is hit so hard, I feel my teeth rattle and the sting immediately. I touch my flaming skin, and the need to run makes my legs jerk.

---